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“you don’t make men safe by making them weak a weak man is a dangerous man because he’ll stab you in the back when gets the chance” Jordan Peterson

Not all good things come from a good, nice, kind place

We humans walk a fine line between pure evil and absolute good, never fully getting to one or the other

When someone takes something from you or gets in the way of something you want, you can get possessed by a deep feeling of vengeance, of hatred

The greatest heroes are the ones with the deepest darkness, the ones with the world of evil within them but voluntarily choose to be good, to be kind, to do for others

It is hard to understand another or even defend yourself against them if you cannot go to where they are

If you can’t imagine, create, and do the pure destruction that they are, if not further, it is two sides of the same coin

And to consciously not look at the other side of the coin is cowardice, and disadvantageous in the long run

The pain, the difficulty, the hurt, rage, and consuming desire to annihilate everything before you, yet guided to do good, to create and not destroy, to give instead of taking

Because it is in remembering how it felt when something was taken from you that the urge to take from another can be halted

It is in reminiscing how to felt to be hungry, be betrayed, lied to, hurt that the decision to do it to another is made

That energy is the power of the sun harnessed to solar power, the destructive force of a damn into hydro-power, the core of the earth into thermal, power of the wind

Training instead of taming, guiding instead of controlling, leading instead directing

Not all good things come from a beautiful place, to create, to give, to be kind is not always done out of feelings of kindness

Because you will not always feel like doing good, and if you only do good when you feel good, you will not be doing good a lot and it will be easy to get you to do bad because you follow the feeling and not the commitment, the oath, the discipline

Never forget that whatever kindness you receive is not out of obligation but out of choice, it is those who lack a backbone that is the most dangerous, it is also those who give in to emotion’s grip that you must watch out for

Just A Thought

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Same Decision, Different Choices

“Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result” Albert Einstein

“…so is achieving mastery” Ken

Everything you do is to the exclusion of everything else you could’ve been doing, obvious right?!

And if you’re doing something that means on some level you preferred doing that as opposed to doing something else, you decided, also obvious, Yes?!

Have you ever noticed how whenever you make the same decision more than once, it’s like the opposing options become simultaneously easier and harder

Put another way, the same choice feels easier because you’ve made it once before already so you inherently have a bias towards it

But it also becomes harder because the opposing choice is now different and worth more

This polarization is bisexual, it goes both ways, allow me to explain

If you love drinking, the first time you chose to drink, the choice was between drinking and not drinking, pretty easy, right?

Then the choice was between drinking alone or not drinking, then it was between drinking or staying sober, drinking or facing painful feelings, drinking and facing painful memories, then it’s drinking or facing reality

It’s similar to the yes ladder, you just keep saying yes to the same decision and at first it costs you nothing, just a choice between two similar pleasures, eventually it’s a choice between two hells

This ability goes the other way as well if you have a goal, a dream

At first, the choice to go after what you want will be easy, go after your goal or be on Facebook, easy right?

Then it’s going after your goal or watching Netflix, goal or go out, goal or sex, goal or hanging with friends, goal or hanging with family, goal or work, notice how quickly and easily it escalates?

And whether you like it or not, it is only those who can commit to making the same choice over and over again no matter what sacrifice they have to make, no matter how painful it gets, who will make it to their destination

Because whether it is choosing to drink or choosing to go after your goal, the increasing intensity of the choices, sacrifices while revealing who you are, who those around you are, if you’re willing to see

The same decision, different choices, different costs, different sacrifices, different lessons, from making the same choice, from rubbing the same metal on that whetstone, from studying the same thing over and over again until it’s all you know

The reason why many starts but few finishes are because at some point, you will be faced with having to choose between your goals and that one thing you’ve always been afraid of losing, and that is when most make a different choice

The journey to achievement is not for the weak-willed, you may be broke, you may be unknowledgeable, inexperienced, unconnected, physically weak, and afraid, you may have almost no time at all to achieve your dreams but you can never be weak-willed


For everything you want, there are at least 10 000 others who also want it, if you want it, it has value, and if it has value, there will be competition for it, it will be leveraged, manipulated, hidden, faked, monetized, there will be a war for it

And no one is a devil in their own story because we’re all just trying to gain what we most desire and avoid losing what we value, and to that end, we’ll be willing to lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, and corrupt to have without giving

Even though we know that there must always be trade, that this world works only through the contribution of many minds, many hands, many sacrifices working together to create this global empire, this dominance over nearly everything


Isn’t anyone decision that’ll get you to where you’re going, it’s countless decisions and you’re not always going to make the right decision, because not all decisions are weighed the same

Everything that can go wrong on your way to your goal will go wrong, everything that can be lost will likely get lost

But whether you finally obtain what you desire or not is when the choices change, will you still make the same decision or will you choose otherwise?

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Two Moments

In the past month, I’ve had two incidents that have rocked my world, it wasn’t death, tragedy, birth, loss, massive gains, falling in love, or a promotion

The first one was with an old friend

Now my relationship with this friend is strange, when we grew up he was a grade or two below me, he knew me but I did no idea of his existence, until he introduced himself, saying he knew everything about me with the look of a fan in his eyes

When we got out of high school he went on to work in an ad agency, building relationships and learning the minds of the masses while I explored the known world

We caught up after a few years, and while he was talking about leaving his job, buying some livestock from his mother, and following the family business he asked a seemingly random and thoughtless question that rocked my world

After starting the car, wrapping up our conversation, and getting ready to leave he asked “what happened to you? You were so artistic, intelligent, and driven, why aren’t you making money doing…”

Then he proceeded to tell me of all the revenue streams available to someone with my skills and then listed people (including his girlfriend) who he felt had far lower skill, drive, and intellect making money off these streams

What rocked me was not the knowledge of the revenue streams or that people with far less skill were making money off of these streams, all of that I already knew

When he said that it was like a fan talking to his hero and asking “where did you get lost, you were on a path to greatness”

Strangely enough, when I look back on my high school, I regard it as the worst part of my life, when nearly everything was hell, lonely, painful, and a struggle, and here was someone who was seeing something I completely missed

His words were like an explosion in my mind  that annihilated the fog, and it became clear that I was thinking too much, obsessed with the feeling and doing little to move forward, to grow, to achieve, to become

It was like when the interviewer said to steve jobs “your children must love the iPad” and he said “oh, we don’t allow our children to use them”

It was one of those closing statements that are a cliff hanger, that was the first moment

Let’s pause here for now

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Shifting Trust

Trust is a feeling, a moving emotion, that’s more a spectrum than an absolute

You don’t trust someone because they say, do and act the right way, there is no checklist for all the things a person needs to do for you to trust them

This is because the feeling of trust is sensed, body language, choice of words, behavior, references, how someone acts and speaks in particular situations or around certain people

We excrete pheromones; chemicals in the air when we’re happy, horny, afraid, sad, angry, anxious, and we have corresponding words, phrases, body language, thoughts, and facial expressions for every emotion and to which degree we feel that emotion

It is all these things that get calculated by your subconscious brain, and it is it that brain that makes the final decision as to whether to trust someone or not

And you receive the verdict of that decision through your feelings… that gut feeling

This is why someone can do everything perfectly and you still don’t trust them without being able to clearly and logically explain why at least not without bullshitting

When it Shifts

Now, the feeling of trust can come and go, it can shift back and forth, to and away from someone, and depending on how tightly you hold on to implicit (emotional) memories

you can completely not trust someone one moment and be willing to put your life in their hands the next moment

If you hold on tightly to implicit memories, you’re one of those elephant people, you may hold a grudge easier and longer than others if some hurts you, or completely ignore all the red flags once you’ve decided to trust someone

So it varies between people, but if you’re young, your trust concerning whether you can do something may be very high one day and essentially non-existent the next day

You may trust yourself, to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is you’re speaking casually with someone you trust but not trust yourself to not lie out of your ass if you’re caught fucking up

As the Arabian saying goes “beware, even a liar may tell the truth”

This is part of what creates stalkholms syndrome, someone lying and hurting you but you trusting them when they tell you that they’re doing this to pay for their baby’s medical bills

I know, logically this makes no sense and tastes like horse dick, but that’s feelings for you, in the larger scale, it makes perfect sense, but when you look at it microscopically, it’ll have you scratching your ass and calling people crazy

Such terms have become more dismissive than explanatory: bipolar, autism, hysteria, mid-life crisis, late adolescence

This is why someone will talk shit about a celebrity for months, then suddenly turn the cheek and sing praise, then go back to talking shit about them

This is how you go from not knowing someone, and thus not trusting them, to sleeping with them and telling them your banking details, to not trusting them again while occasionally trusting your life to them by having quickies


The trouble with judgment is that most times it is final and only looks at one layer of a person: the current layer you are using to judge them

The same person can be a mother, liar, orphanage volunteer, sex worker, breadwinner, drug user, trauma nurse, and alleged murderer

So which layer above is really who they are?

When they stand in front of the court of public opinion, or a jury, how do you judge someone?

What is the metric? If someone saves a million and one lives and kills someone for every additional million they save, do they go to jail?

And if they go to jail, that means a million and one lives will be lost because they are being punished for the one life they took

Think about your mother

As long as you’ve known her, she has been your world, she may have a few negligible flaws but ultimately, you can’t imagine her fucking someone for money

Or lying, being petty, manipulative, jealous, a bully, an addict, and arrogant

You find it far easier to see the flaws in another woman and act accordingly as to whether they stay in your life or not but not when it comes to your mother

Your mother could come to you with bloody hands and tell you she killed someone, be honest with yourself, would you let her rot in jail?

And would that change the fact that she is your mother?

Can you stop trusting her? And even if your trust got broken, would you stop trusting her for good?

Do you see it?

Lol Sigh, feelings huh

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Wounding The Wale

With some people, if you’re gonna attack them, make sure you finish them, you do not kick an elephant, even if it’s still a baby, and expect that it will forget

We, humans, put a very high premium on our feelings, let no one ever lie to you, we are very compassionate, vengeful beings with a long memory

Keeping us alive, feeding us, clothing us, providing for us, teaching us, all of that means little weighed against a single offense, some people are especially sensitive to certain kinds of offenses

Sometimes it’s verbal; saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, other times it’s doing or failing to do something that could leave a taste in a friend or ally’s mouth so bitter and so intense that you only hear about it the day you need them most

And no, it doesn’t matter how right you are, it matters not how logical, reasonable or accurate your words, deeds, and perspectives are

We feel what we feel and 9 times out of 10, we will act on that feeling, we will follow it, even when we know it’s wrong, the satisfaction we get from acting on those feelings, no matter how momentary, fills us with ecstasy unrivaled

This is why we lie, cheat, steal, kill, and betray, despite the consequences, despite knowing better, despite being better

Don’t fall victim to those feelings, the feeling of self-righteousness you will get from speaking your mind, the deep sense of superiority you feel when you’re sure you’re right and are willing to fight tooth and nail for your idea, plan, perspect

It is in those moments of pure passion, when you’re sure when you’re absorbed and completely at the moment that you are likely to say and do the wrong thing, offending the wrong person

And sure, you might eventually win the argument, but you will have successfully made silent enemies

In kicking the elephant, you may still get to ride it for a bit, but your fortune will turn, and without knowing or understanding why, shit will just go south for you

And when you’re done, walking out the door, closing the business, signing the divorce papers, cleaning your work desk, if you’re lucky, that’s when you’ll learn the architect of your demise

It’ll be a word, a phrase, a look, or the absence that will tell you and you may protest, curse and swear vengeance upon them but deep down you’ll know, it was your ignorance of their feelings that put you there

“He Who Treads Softly Goes Far” Chinese Proverb

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As Easy As 1.2.3

The Higher You Go, The Deeper You Must Get

1+1+1 is 3

But why can’t 1+1+1 be equals to 1 or 111?

We’re taught that there’s only one correct answer to a question, but why can’t there be multiple answers, with varying degrees of accuracy and depth

When a 7-year-old kid asks you where babies come from

You’d likely say “when a man and a woman love each other, they make love with each other and a baby is made”

When a 14-year-old teenager asks “where do babies come from?”

You’d likely say “when a man inserts his penis into a woman’s vagina and ejaculates, the result is usually pregnancy”

When an 18-year-old biology student asks “where do babies come from?”

The teacher would likely say “from the womb of a woman, through the cervix and out of the vagina after 3 trimesters, which is the equivalent of +- 9 months”

When a 21-year-old medical student asks “where do babies come from?”

Are you starting to get the idea?!

Are any of those answers wrong?

Because what we call love is a combination of biological chemicals (hormones) that flood your system, making you feel a physical connection to another person and slowly fades unless those chemicals are repeatedly released, strengthening the connection each time it happens

Devoid of any religious or philosophical attachments, that is what “love” is

For some, it lasts a few minutes, while for others it lasts a lifetime

Lust is a form of love, infatuation is a form of love, whether the attraction is fueled by alcohol and party vibes or common interests, it is a form of love

Which leads to sex, in most circumstances, which leads to babies (and STI’s but that’s another thing altogether)

Are you seeing where I’m going with this?!

Back To Basics

At its core, math is addition, subtraction, division, and multiplication but there are nuances the deeper you get, here’s an example

If I take 10 cents out of every rand (dollar) you make, I’m always taking 10% of everything you gain, 10 cents doesn’t seem like much initially but observe the pattern

When you make R10, I take 1 rand

When you make R100, I take R10

And when you make a million, one hundred thousand of that million is mine

Take a 10 cents out of a million and it’s no longer a million

10 cents could be the difference between being a millionaire or not

This principle applies to everything, 1 degree is the difference between Ice and water, it is also the difference between water and vapor

One spice is the difference between Kentucky fried Chicken and your aunt’s specialty family gathering chicken

A single touch, stroke, move, inch, the degree is the difference between an earthquake full-body convulsion, bed drenching orgasm, and just a good fuck

In martial arts, first, they teach you to stand, then to punch, then to block, then to kick, then to fall, then to move

A baby learns to sit, then stand, then walk, then run, the fly, (except for sitting) all of these are meant for physical motion, how to get from one place to the next


Now imagine that if between sitting and standing, the baby says “fuck, that was hard, I think I’ll take a gap year before getting to the next step

A year later, she starts learning to stand but it takes her a year and a half to learn how to stand, then when she finally learns to stand she tells all her drooling toddler friends “this sucks dog shit, I think I’ma take another gap year to figure myself out, and rest”

A year later, she starts learning how to walk, which takes her 2 years

This means that by the time your baby girl learns to walk she’ll be around 6 years old, by that time other kids her age have been walking and running for about 4, 4, and a half years longer

And in the interim they’ve also learned how to speak, sing, write, count, manipulate, dance, and are getting ready for 1st grade

Are you seeing where I’m going with this?!

Nothing good for you in the long term will carry pleasant perpetually pleasant emotions

You won’t always feel good about practicing, learning, even if you were famous, acting in a Marvel movie, healing people as a doctor, solving world hunger, or fighting crime

Everything you do, even if it’s drugs, will have times when it feels like shit when it licks plumber boots

When it feels like that the overwhelming urge to quit or at least take a break becomes unimaginably consuming

But like that baby, 2 things happen every time you take a break, (one very subtle) when you take a break, those who were doing the same thing as you start getting ahead

The second thing that happens is that when you take a break, you begin to regress, and when you finally start working to get to the next stage, you must first regain the ground you lost during your break

Consistency is a commitment, not a desire or feeling, when you get tired of your spouse if you say “hey, let’s take a break until I feel like being in this again”

Chances are that by the time you “feel” like being in it again, there won’t be much of a relationship to be in

Some paths you can’t just take a break from whenever you feel like it, like being a parent, breadwinner, spouse, partner, the same goes for your goals


But don’t kill yourself in fear of getting left behind or losing the progress you’ve made, resting and pacing yourself is part of the journey, but two things need to be said for the resting points

  1. There are some things you want to be the best in, no question, you know what they are

It is in those things that you can’t afford to have Elon Musk Ambition and Grocery Store Security Cashier work ethic

Because it is not in leaps and bounds that those who begin with you surpass you or fall behind you, it is in the tiny breaks you all take

For in those, they do extra research, ask more in-depth questions, practice a little more, explore and experiment

The separation between the best and average is within the breaks like during practice when some are taking it easy, it is those who put in maximum effort consistently that become the best

  • Rest is a must, but rest is not passive, watching series, scrolling social media, and staying up late is often not what is going to recharge you

Everyone is unique in this regard because sometimes it’s talking to that special someone, spending time alone, meditation, drinking, smoking and shooting the shit, eating amazing food, experimenting, talking, and laughing with your favorite people

This is different for everyone but you must find what it is that rests your mind, your body, and your emotions, what calms you and resets you, what recharges you

Because something draining you doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not for you or that you hate it, it means that you need to do something different now and then to recharge your mind and emotions

You must find it

P.s. the easier you can access it no matter where you are or what you have, the better it is for you

Meditation, having fun, alone time, journaling, are popular because they don’t require much to do

Final Thoughts

It’s Simple but not Easy

“The problem is you think you have time” Anonymous

How Bad Do You Want It?

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Jacking Off In Public; How To (T)

Alright, here’s how to jack off in public and not get in trouble

interviewer:  “so why’d you piss off your vh1 fans?”

Patrice: “I don’t want to set myself up for a fall from grace meaning this, you get caught being who you are

Like Peewee Herman getting caught jerking off in public, he was being what he is but he was being a kids superstar

And it’s like this when I do my shit, when I do webjunk, that would’ve been my peewee herman cause I have the propensity to jerkoff in public

So I gotta find out who’s gonna ride with me as who I am”

There’s nothing more critical for your happiness, success, and well-being than knowing when what to say not to and most importantly: Why

The quickest way to make no one love you is to try and make everyone love you, and that is the downfall with major success, is that it’s very mass appeal status, it appeals specifically to no one

When you’re seeking happiness and success, there’s nothing that comes and feels more natural than saying yes to literally everything that comes your way

During those times, it feels like the option to say “no” is an option reserved purely for those who have already succeeded and/or found happiness

We humans are extremely loss averse, we’re always looking towards what we can lose before we pay attention to what we can gain

This is the reason why Discounts may be attractive but they can never hold a candle to “Free”

It’s because even if what we’re losing meant nothing to us and would’ve gone to waste otherwise

You see this in kids when you try to give away toys they never play with


When someone who’s been cheating, neglecting, and abusing their partner finally finds out that their partner found someone else

This is also why exes are so attractive but that’s another topic

But this is also the reason why we’re also prone to say “yes” to things we should say “no” to

There are people in your life you share the title friends with because you guys commonly share the same space and enjoy each other’s company like colleagues, friends of a friend, club members, etc.

You know that if shit hit the fan, you could never rely on them for anything but if they asked you for something you’d find it hard to say “no” because they once called you a friend and you didn’t correct them

No, you’re afraid of betraying that friendship, that you know deep down you can’t personally count on

Most are weird as fuck, and I don’t mean “sleep all day and geek out on tutorials all night” or “watch fresh prince of bel-air and friends reruns all the time” type of weird

I mean lose your job, get branded as a lunatic, judged, spit on, canceled, and attacked by strangers type of weird

I mean eating ass, tickling toes, wanting syrup on your partner’s hair during sex type weird, you get what I mean?

And because of this, I don’t think you should have to hide who you are but you also shouldn’t put yourself into situations where you’d have to lie about who you are either

If you’re an atheist, and your friend invites you to church… Just Say No

If you’re a polygamist, polyandrist, and some girl/guy who really likes you is monogamous… Just Say No

If you love doing wild, crazy shit, and trash-talking people, and someone invites you to a gathering where you know what you love and like isn’t welcomed

You may go if you want to hear and learn how the other side is but if you have no interest in getting into those kinda arguments… Just Say No


There are a few core things by which we define ourselves, things we feel we are really good at, so good that we may, in the abstract, acknowledge that there’s someone out there who is better than us

But to ourselves, we feel that we could beat them, and thus by default, we are better than them

This is the unspoken reason as to why judging, bullying, belittling, looking down on, or gossiping about other people feel so pleasurable, it’s because it makes us feel superior, especially when someone else is agreeing with us

And when we finally come into the same space as someone else who’s better than us, someone we either didn’t expect to be that good, or we just felt were beneath us

You can’t help but feel that tinge of jealousy, and that little nasty feeling that shrivels up your lips in disgust and makes you say some ugly shit unintentionally

Amazingly enough, feelings of envy, jealousy work best on you when you don’t admit to yourself that you’re jealous, and the more you and other people don’t acknowledge that you might just be jealous

The easier and ugly you will think, feel and act towards that person or those people, this is the primary basis of racism, sexism, tyranny, etc.

It’s just that feeling of jealousy that has been so widespread and left unexamined for so long that it became a culture, it became the norm

Final Thoughts

Like jacking off in public?

Does watching animals have sex with people turn you on?

Are you racist or sexist?

Do you think equality is unrealistic?

Lovely thing is, no matter what your views, there are at least 100 000 people on this planet who share that same view

And all you need is an internet line, a device, and a search to find them

You don’t have to agree with anyone and not everyone has to agree with you, but you also should’ve hidden and lie about who you are

Honest opinions will almost always ignite strong emotions and reactions, and they’re meant to because evolution, revolutions, and insight is born from conflict

From you saying something popular and someone saying “You’re inaccurate (wrong) because XYZ”

And the dialogue that results from those opposing opinions is what teaches and grows, not just the people disagreeing but all those listening

None of that happens if you agree or disagree just to avoid conflict

When you pretend and lie just to be liked, to avoid conflict, to not hurt anyone’s feelings

Sometimes you just want to ask what the victim was doing in a rape case but you don’t because even though innately you know that that information is also relevant and important, you don’t want to instigate

Or seem like you’re supporting the attacker

Shit, this is a very controversial view, speak honestly when you email, DM, or comment


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Choose Your Addiction

You’re wired to find something that juices your entire body with seductive pleasure, and when you find that thing; that thing that’s easy to do, easy to access, and floods your body with pleasure

And when you find it, you’re gonna get addicted

Sex, social media, attention, food, alcohol, excitement, danger, drugs, shopping, forbidden fruit, work, achievement, family, pressure, comfort, challenge, safety, you name it

You choose it, every time you do it, the easier and sweeter it feels when you do it the second time, and the third, fourth, etc.

But do you control your addiction or does it control you?

Your darkness is automatic, you’re born with it, it’s your selfishness, your relentlessness, your arrogance, your need to be the best, to be seen, acknowledged

It’s the hulk to your bruce banner, venom to your spiderman, it’s the night to your day, and before you start feeling morally superior, let’s not bullshit, you know you have a dark side

It’s the part of you that wants to talk shit about someone behind their back, the part of you that wants to tell others what to do, the part of you that gets jealous

Was nature wrong by creating you with this darkness?! Babies are born bad, they’re selfish, relentless, inconsiderate, they contribute nothing but take everything: attention, food, resources, time

As you grow you’re beaten into submission, physically, emotionally, psychologically, socially, financially, and every other way you can imagine

This is neither good nor bad because what you’re born with is an animalistic instinct when a snake bites a rabbit and swallows it whole, no one calls it evil

Because that’s its nature but we have chosen to believe that our nature as humans is good, despite the genocide, rape, poisonings, incarceration, man-made droughts, famine, pandemics, and war, among others

But it is that same darkness that has created Marcus Garvey, Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan, Barack Obama, Nelson Mandela, Albert Einstein, Tupac Shakur, The Beatles, Pavarotti, Che Guevara, Neil Armstrong, General Shang Yu, The Wright Brothers, Steve Jobs…

You name them, they had a dark side, because it takes arrogance to believe that you can become what no other person before you has managed to become, what many have failed, even died attempting

Everything we do, at our core, we do for selfish reasons, even the things we do for others, we do because of how they make us feel about ourselves, how they make others feel about us

When you’re looking for those to keep around you, colleagues, partners, friends, family, lovers, find those that nourish your light, and… those who give space and protection for your darkness

“let him go, you don’t put a saddle on a mustang” Chuck Daily, Referring to Denise Rodman

For some of us, it’s doing what we’re not supposed to do, or doing that one thing we can do with all our body and soul without having to process one thought, partying, drinking, working out, one night stand, drugs, sex, gambling, hunting, anything really

The one who lets his/her dark side run rampant will scorch the earth around them and be executed by those who stand beside them

The one who stands too firm in their light will be stripped to the bone by the needs of those around them

Any relationship that doesn’t allow you space to go will nourish your ability to be in control and be good, cannot stand the test of time

P.s. Be The Best At Whatever You Do, Being The Best at what you do allows you to be who you are (or want to be) without apology

“When you make yourself indispensable to the situation, the rules don’t apply to you” Talib Kwali, Hip Hop Legend & Business Man

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Want A Steroid?

If we’re being honest, today everything we do and experience can and should be considered a drug

Assuming that we define a drug as anything that alters your sense of reality, ever been hungry, clear-headed, thinking of such revolutionary ideas then had some chicken from KFC and couldn’t remember 10% of those ideas to save your life?

Think for a second, you could be ready to tell your mom, dad, best friend, and boss to go fuck themselves with an electricity pole, then 7 seconds after having sex be thinking to yourself “well I could be a quadriplegic in the middle of India, I guess things ain’t that bad”


Just Me?!

Sex, Environment, Power, Hunger…

You will likely see who a person truly is when they either have nothing or when they have everything (if they feel that way)

An empty stomach will draw out the true nature of the person you stand across and share stories with

Power, in all its forms: Money, Status, Position, Possessions, Control, Alcoholic or drug influence, or just social influence, when they now have the power to influence and alter your life, that is when you will learn who a person really is

We try to escape it but we’re animals, the same regions that light up in the brain when we’re eating, light up when we’re having sex

This is why when it comes to sex, you must allow people to be who they want to be, the same way someone will put jelly on a steak or drop some hot sauce in ice cream, and say it’s the most amazing thing in the world

That’s who they are on the inside

Listen, the mentally handicapped, children, pregnant women, those with nothing, and those with everything behavior based on their natural inclinations (oh and artists)

Inclinations that completely override decades of social training and norm adoption, because these are the few realms you are allowed to be who and whatever you want to be without needing to explain or justify to anyone

The things that enhance you give you the confidence to be who you feel you are, liquid courage, drugs, having the right friends around, an empty belly, or seemingly unlimited power

It’s crazy but these are the natural steroids that largely go unexamined in our daily lives, it’s like getting some juicy pussy or bomb dick…

the intoxicating cocktail of hormones you experience in those few hours are more than enough to completely alter your life and linger in the back of your mind like a drug addiction

we all know and likely have that one person we’ve laid with a few times that we know without question is bad for us, we just don’t agree with them on critical matters

but goddammit, when they call, text, they urge to respond overpowers the knowledge and understanding that our relationship with them is just not sustainable

is there a rehab for KFC?

Is there a rehab for juicy pussy or bomb dick?

Is there a rehab for dead-end friends that let you do the wildest things?


Its moments like these where I can admit that, yes, everything does happen for a reason, but I don’t think that’s the entire story

I think everything happens for multiple reasons, some obvious and known, some subtle and possibly unknown

But ultimately you decide the reason that is going to define the significance of the event and what your takeaway from that event is

Most social norms like ego and jealousy are taught, the emotion may be natural but the attachment to certain triggers is learned

Like if you are taught that white people are less human because it has been scientifically proven that they are 28% Neanderthal, that is not knowledge you are born with

You may have already been able to discriminate, but your logical reason to discriminate against this particular race was learned

The historical philosophy for accepting a job used to be that before you accept a job from a particular company, look across the table towards the people interviewing you and ask yourself “do I want to be like these people?”

And if the answer is “no” then don’t take the job

Because with time, you are likely going to become more like them they are likely to become more like you

Everyone wants the result, no one wants the process, you want to be a pioneer, the greatest of all time but you don’t want to work 16 -18 hours a day on the same for 30 years until you master it

Everyone wants to be enlightened but no one wants to meditate for 4 hours a day

“Everyone wants the result but no one wants the process” Jay Shetty

“Look at the people who have been doing what you’re doing for 30-40 years and ask yourself, ‘Is that where I want to be?’ and if the answer is ‘No’ then you need to change paths”

Final Thoughts

Fear not the judgment of others for their words will likely fade with time but the memory of how you acted will not

Touch, feel, taste, act, react, think, experiment, and explore for your time is finite on this earth, and short of finding the cure for death, in a hundred years, you and everyone you know will be dead

And because of that, nothing you do will matter, but say you live longer than a hundred years, maybe 200, 500, or forever

The things that happen today, tomorrow, or the day after will matter to you and no one else, like how your childhood memories have dictated the trajectory of your life and still matter to you today but matter to no one else

5,10, 20, 40 years from now, nothing that you did today will matter to anyone else except to you

So ask yourself, are you doing things that will make you feel good about yourself when you’re by yourself 10 years from now?! 10 days from now?!

It’s much simpler than you realize, everything you experience and interact with alters your perception of reality

From how you wake up to the food you eat and the content you consume

But you must find the practices that center you, medication, masturbation, PlayStation, chilling with friends, breathing exercises

These are the things that help you think, logically, objectively

As an adult, you need these practices to always point out to you when you’re slipping into childish ways, cause growing older is automatic but growing wiser is manual; it’s a choice

And it’s a daily choice but even the smartest people on earth can lack common sense when it’s most critical

Be careful when choosing the practices because they will likely become addictions; running, friends, alcohol, meditation, drugs, blogging, etc.

If it gives you that kind of release, relief, and pleasure, you will likely attach to it like a baby to a tit

Sigh, Just A Thought

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Hidden Hands

Your life is not your own, not completely

You are not born free, not entirely

Since before you were born, ‘till long after you have died, there are hands moving things, voices deciding your fate

You earn your freedom, just like you earn your life, if you can completely live on your own in the woods covering your own basic human needs, then you have earned your life

The day you can do whatever you want with impunity, whether it harms or offends another or not, that is the day you have earned your life

Sad words, but are they not true?!

All the good, and the bad in your world, your life, all the crime, poverty, disease, and discrimination is not accidental or natural, it is decided and created by those who choose to act

Whether you agree with their will or not, unless you act otherwise and become victorious, the world continues in the direction it is already heading in

Same with your life

More than money, you need to know how to think

How to grow, catch and prepare your food

You need to know how to create your shelter, heal yourself, fight and protect yourself

All the money in the world can’t protect you from the government and hidden organizations

All the status in the world can’t keep you from an ass whooping or getting stabbed

Chase your dreams, become a movie star but always remember the things that sustain yourself

Your life is valuable, this is why those who employ you need to keep you in servitude, if you seek your freedom, know that there will be a war to be fought

“never come between a man and his money” Dave Chappelle

But should you ever decide to, be ready to fight, kill, sacrifice, maybe lose it all

Whether you choose to bum out or grind till your bones are powder, the man-made world will continue to turn

If you aren’t taking back your life and freedom, it is being taken from you

Because if you aren’t moving forward, you are moving backward

Just a thought 

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Sugar, Spice & Everything Nice (T)

wasted potential is a cliché


Ever spoken to someone so smart, so knowledgeable for the life of you, you couldn’t understand why they were such a failure in life?!

Similarly, ever spoken met someone and in your heart of hearts you felt “oh I’m definitely smarter and better than this fucker”

Yet their achievements consistently exceed their perceived intelligence?

These are the two people you’ll meet very often in your life in many different forms to varying degrees

These two types of people are also the biggest clue to why most of us are living the lives we need to live instead of the lives we want to live

Because one knows a lot but understands little to nothing, while the other knows little but understands a lot


Imagine within you there are two rooms:

The first one is quiet, clean, cool, with complex things made simple, puzzles to be solved, ideas, and open space to explore, experiment, and create to your heart’s content

The second room always has someone in it, sometimes it’s someone that makes you happy, a person that makes you horny, a person that angry, excited, sad, curious, lonely, it’s always

You never know who is going to be in the room, nor do you know how their energy will affect your mood

Now imagine that when you’re in one room, the glass that shows you the other room sometimes gets misty, allowing you to see only a few things or sometimes nothing at all

Now if you’re in the first room (the logical room) if you come up with an idea, a plan, you learn something, or have a moment of peace and clarity, when you go into the second room (emotional room) you might not be able to access that idea, peace, plan

Similarly, when you’re in the second room (emotional room) and you feel a spark of inspiration to go on a diet, start a company, follow your passion or start a new love affair when you go back into room one, the emotion you felt from room two will begin to fade

These two rooms are your logical and emotional side, your animalistic and human brain

You may spend a lot of time in the emotion room or the logical room but you cannot spend all of your time in either room

Nor can you dictate when your crazy legs will walk you into room one or room two

And whichever room you’re in, you can only speculate what is happening in the other room

So you’ll plan to start working out, then tomorrow wake up in room two (emotion room) and meet sadness, making you unwilling to follow the plan to start working out

Do you see the picture?!

Group Think

Now if you’re by yourself, following the emotion is a no brainer, but when you’re in a group, it becomes hard to discard what was happening in room one because it was happening in multiple people’s rooms one’s

And what happens in room one, stays in room one

So whatever happens in room two becomes hard to act on because if you decide to act on the person (sadness, loneliness, boredom) that you met in room two, you have to now explain why the emotion is good enough reason to not go through with what was planned

Coaches, trainers, partners, colleagues, teammates “true success is rarely gained by an individual, it is always a group” Vlad

This is why it can never be overstated the importance of the people around you


Because your group dictate the social norm, what is normal for us, if chilling by the corner and talking shit all day is normal for your group, it will be hard to change that norm because it is re-enforced by the group, not just the individual

Your mind is always recording patterns, it’s like how youtube is always recording patterns of the type of shit you watch

Or how your partner (usually women) are always recording patterns

Your mind is recording patterns of things, events, people, circumstances, and actions that lead to pleasure and those that lead to pain

And the more intense the pleasure or pain, the stronger the recording of the pattern, this is where superstition, habits, character, and norms come about

Hence the saying “we date the same person in different bodies

We also look for the same type of friend in different people

Now the person who knows little but understands a lot is aware of these patterns in them to some degree

These are the people that are self-aware enough to say “Nah, I suck at that nor do I have  the desire to work hard to learn it, I will find someone who is good at it and loves it and cut them in on the goal”

It is by this philosophy that they find and make teammates

Whereas the person who knows a lot and understands little knows that no limit is permanent but likely fails to understand that just because you can do something better doesn’t mean you should do it or that you are the best person to do it

Because someone who does something with love, curiosity, and deep interest, in the long term, will always outperform the person who is highly skilled in it but has zero interest or a negative emotion towards that thing

Final Thoughts

Passion makes us strangers unto ourselves

This is how we make such details and brilliant plans and watch those plans fly out the window the moment we feel afraid, angry, horny, hungry, happy, curious, etc.

Possibly solutions?

  1. Have a group of people that will hold you accountable, people that will drop you like hot potatoes if you begin not producing that which you promised to produce, that which you are called for
  • Design your life in such a way that there are real consequences to not doing that which you planned to do; like losing money, not being able to go on the internet for 24 hours, no sex, no alcohol or weed, anything that enjoy really, leverage it
  • Learn to be aware and talk to yourself whenever you feel emotion X come up, you know where being harsh on yourself gets you to perform better or demotivates you, you also know if being too nice inspires you or gets you to relax

These are just thoughts, concepts, ideas… only through action can they be proven real or fake, accurate or off the mark

Arigatou Gozaimasu

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For The Anger & Pain, Thank You

It is often not those who cheer us on and encourage us that get the best out of us but those who belittle us, taunt us, challenge us and completely go against us

Not all have what it takes to be great, the substance, the potential, the capability may be present but the desire, the drive, and the work ethic may not

All want to be great; everyone wants to Nelson Mandel, Michael Jordan, Michael Jackson, Barack Obama, Michael Obama, Oprah

But no one wants to spend 27 years in prison, no one wants to practice 12-16 hours a day for 10-15 years, no one wants to sit at the feet of great musicians learning from them as you’ve never sold a record in your life even though you were in the Jackson 5

And it is only when you face that overwhelming opposition that you must now question whether your desire to become any of that is enough to take you through war, scar, cripple, and irreparable change you

“When you accept mediocracy in those around you, you encourage mediocracy in yourself”

We know what happens to the tyrant, to those we do not like, to those that tell us what we don’t want to hear and confront our insecurities, bad habits, and shortcomings

We avoid them, are guarded around them, dislike them and even wish for their downfall, occasionally someone makes their downfall a reality

And in those moments we feel vindicated, validated because their fall means our lack of rising is justified

You can’t want to be treated like everyone else if you want to be greater than everyone else

“I knew that to get to the other side, I had to grind myself into a fucken fine powder, and I did it”

Pain is pain, whether it be through words or actions, practicing sucks, being told you’re not doing enough, sucks

But when we become great, when we achieve, it is those who pushed us, pulled us, taunted us, and gave us no rest that we thank

Because a mother who does not encourage her baby to walk because the baby will fall does her baby no kindness

Demand more out of yourself, demand it in those around you, fail, fall, fault, and refine

it is not for you that you must do better, become better, become great, it is for those around you, for they may never do as you say but they will almost always do as you do


“but like a wedding band, you gotta be diamond to even climb in the ring” Eminem, The Greatest

A wise man once said “if you’re a young comedian and you meet Dave Chappelle and ask him for advice, then talk and try to be his friend

When he brushes you off, he’s not being mean, he just already has all the friends he needs”

Because the marks of friendship aren’t made during pleasant conversations and party nights

They are made when you’re about to lose it all and the person helping is not doing it because it will cost them nothing, they are helping you because it will cost them, yet they are doing it anyway

When you get fired from a very lucrative gig when your partner is leaving you when your mother, father, brother, sister, or child dies when you file for bankruptcy

Once you taste that quality of friendship, it becomes hard to go back to making friends you only hang out with when times are good

Our minds are very bad at admitting when there’s no answer, this is why we want to have an opinion on everything, especially other people’s lives and what they should do

Then when the person tells you that you don’t know what you’re talking about, you quickly take offense

without considering for a second, that you don’t know how it feels to be the most famous person in the world, without considering what it feels like to have millions of disposable cash, or how it feels to be under national or global pressure to win or make something happen

and if you’ve never been in that same circumstance, your opinion means hobo shit, because you haven’t earned your stripes, you don’t have any credits, years of experience under your belt, or accolades to back your statement

you’re essentially talking out your ass, having extremely strong emotions towards something doesn’t make you an expert in it, it doesn’t even make you a credible observer, let alone someone worth listening to

because only experience can teach you how to take vague thoughts and ideas and make them clear and simple action steps towards the goal

Time In Motion

Here’s way your enemies, opponents, antagonizers, coaches, opposition and difficulties are critical

The team moves at a steady pace, whether you’re asleep or awake, doing something or nothing, dead or alive, growing or regressing

But in that motion, two things remain unequivocally true

Either you’re getting better or your life is getting more difficult

Either you’re getting better or things are getting harder, more complex; this is why if you fail at something now, it gets harder the next time because it grows, opponents get younger, smarter, more skilled

It’s a constant competition, when you’re growing at a rapid pace, life becomes slightly easier relating to the area you are growing in: if you’re growing financially, food, shelter, health care, and luxuries become easier

Conversely, if you’re not growing financially, food, shelter, health care, and luxuries become harder to obtain

The same is true for emotional, psychological, social, technological, and physical growth

Stop walking for a month and see whether walking becomes easier or harder after that month is complete

Similarly, start running for the next month, and see whether walking becomes easier or hard after that month is complete

This is not string theory, it is just a truth easy to forget because you’re not confronted with it daily

You don’t make sure it’s in your face 24/7, you don’t make sure you never forget it, you don’t put it everyone and make it your every waking thought

Your life is designed for ordinary (comfort), that’s why it doesn’t produce extraordinary, because there’s nothing extra you do

and your ordinary becomes a social norm for those around you and those who depend on you, and you think motivating and cheering your partner, kids, friends, family, and colleagues on is enough to produce greatness in them while you chill out

you must win, you must win, you can only learn and become certain things through victory

you begin to understand the landscape once you get to the top of the mountain and have a bird’s eye view, the winner’s perspective


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Sincere Snake

Okay, this one is going to be a little dicey, shaky, and a little off the mark, so please you might get offended, bear with me

You have the same brain as everybody else, it only depends how you use it” Godfrey Sr.

we’re all born into a certain system, a system that was set up years and decades, and centuries before we ever got here, we were thrown into the system,

Now, you could either work within the system, (Or) you could protest and try to change the system, those two things will give you some level of accomplishment, complaining about the system, will do absolutely nothing” Vlad, Vladtv

Ever heard the story about the frog and the scorpion?

The story goes that a scorpion once asked a frog to ride on its back to get across the pond, at first the frog said no, saying the scorpion would sting him if he gave him a ride

The scorpion said, “why would I sting you if doing so would drown both of us?”

Hearing the logic, the frog agreed and gave the scorpion a ride on its back, halfway across the pond the scorpion stung the frog

With its final breath, the frog asked “why did you sting me?”

“because it is within my nature,” said the scorpion as he also drowned

If you had your childhood during the ’80s and ’90s, you were likely raised by television, which is mostly western

If you were raised in the 2000s, you were raised on social media

This means that whatever the dominating opinion was, likely became your opinion

It also means you were prone to be misinformed, mislead, or feed propaganda

Typical example: when Missionaries came to Africa, they came to abolish every other belief and instill Christianity as the main and only belief

This was done through the social system by being kinder and more lenient on people of color that converted or identified as Christians

This was done legally through the witchcraft act of 1957 which stated that ancestral practices, medicines were now against the law and would be prosecuted

And it was done mentally through television


Africans had practices, especially the elders in which they could tell if someone was pregnant

Each bloodline had ways by which they would know that someone would be pregnant, sometimes before even the person that was pregnant knew

The immediate thought is: “well, with morning sickness, swelling, cravings, and the line under the belly button getting darker, it would be hard not to notice”

But how do you explain the person knowing 48 hours after conception?!

For example, there’s a family in southern Africa in which when someone falls pregnant, one person in the family, (and it’s always the same person unless the person passes on, then the gift is passed on to the next person)

The person has a dream about their mother rubbing the feet of the pregnant person, which is what mothers and mothers-in-law do when someone is pregnant in the family, like helping the pregnant woman bath, wash their feet, etc

This woman has had a dream every single time that someone in her family has fallen pregnant and she has never been wrong

There’s another family in which when someone in the family, the eldest in the family will have a dream about the person’s death 48-6 hours before the person dies


The beauty of science is when they admit that they don’t know everything nor can they explain it all

When you look at the ancient Kemits, the pharaoh and his queen wore grows that had two snakes on them

The snake in African culture always represented nature, you can try to domestic a snake all your life, but the day you starve it, it will remind you that it is a snake

You can domestic an entire society to centuries, then completely take away electricity for 14 days and see what happens

The snake is a reminder that no matter how intelligent and wise you become, you are still human, an animal to some degree and unless you remain mindful of that fact, it will always throw you into chaos

Final Thoughts

We evolve every generation, consciously or subconsciously, through the environment or effortful repetition to engrain something into our being

So here’s my question…

The Mayans, the kemits, the Arabs, the Persians, the greeks, all these cultures lived and existed on multiple planes

What plane to African still live on where we have dreams of people showing us things, and those things actually exist?!

A huge amount of Africans are Christians or trying to mix Christianity with ancestral practices, even though Christians clearly came to abolish and destroy all indigenous practices

But somehow, to this very day, an African would start losing his mind, get sick, fall into financial ruin or start having wild dreams

And the elders would tell them, you need to speak to your ancestors, and find out what they are unhappy about

And sure enough, you’ll find that the person hadn’t done x, y, or z, they do that shit and things start going well

Interestingly you find this same phenomenon in other cultures as well, in Christianity they call their ancestors angels, in Buddhism, they’ll be called past selves, the native Americans would call them spirits

Shit, I don’t know

If I’m being honest, I watched the 5th season of Boku no hero, when he met the vestiges of One-4-All in a dream

And that shit was too much like the ancestral system in Africa

I don’t know, please give me your thoughts on this one

Featured post

Living Like A Fucken Child

Pleasures OF Being Wrong Continued

here’s a thought, go out, explore, experiment, have fun, break and put things into holes

yes, it’s different from what you imagined, and now when you break shit, explore and experiment it’s at your own mental, physical, emotional, financial, and social cost, you’re no longer playing with the house’s (your parents) money, you’re now playing with your own, do you still want to play

it is the difficulty in life that divides those who are just mildly curious about something from those who have dehydrating urge to experience, touch, taste, feel, do certain things

if you’re reading this, you have already chosen to live because the choice to kill yourself has always been on the table but you haven’t used it, but you’re still away from that as of now, the possibility of death is still on the table, you’re still going to die at some point so the time you have is not infinite,

now you must ask yourself what kind of life you want to live, but at the same time you must recognize that to have something you must give something up, this is how life, the universe has always balanced itself out, through trade, we’ve based our entire world economy on this idea

do you want to have fun?! fine, what kind of fun? where? how? with who? why?

don’t have an answer for any of these questions, cool, the water logic of thoughts and feelings that guide most of our lives is based on doing and saying things without being able to fully and clearly articulate why or even how, at least articulate without bullshitting reasons that only came to you afterward

but now that you’re an adult, you are allowed to be a child but you must be your parent as well, which means, even if loosely, you must still plan for this fun, like saying “k to take a 10-day road trip with whoever I think is fun”

that is an example of a very loose plan, understand that many people will jump in at this stage to try and stop you, to try and tell you what to do, where to do it, how to do it, and why you should be doing it

fuck ’em, this is your life, you can take advice but the time for someone else to tell you how to live your life must be over at some point, you were born alone and no matter how many people are around you when you die, you walk into that darkness alone and despite popular belief, when shit its the fan, like when you break the law, no one gives a fuck who told you to do it, you’re still on the hook for doing it

understand that there is no lifeline, no one to call, no one to bail you out, no one to save you, and shit can get really bad, but know, more than anything else, in your heart of hearts, know that you are far stronger and resilient than you can ever imagine, and most of the shit that you think you can’t live without were designed to elicit that kind of reaction from you but this is false, you can live perfectly fine without your phone or McDonald’s or that cold 6-pack in your fridge

so go for what you want, know why you’re doing this, and resolve that no matter how amazing or terrible things get, you’ll never lose your love, pleasure, perspective, curiosity, and desire to explore, experiment, break and put shit into holes

because misery loves company, so many, many people, from those closest to you to those who have never met you will seek to tell you what to do, how to live, and what you should be spending your time on, sometimes they’ll do it by using gifts to emotionally indebt you to them, other times they’ll just bulldoze you by having an opinion on everything you do

but you’re now in the open world, where there’s scary monsters, harsh elements, and legions of corporations that want your time, energy, ideas, some will ask kindly, others will steal, some will simply seek to take

because you want community, you want food, security, medical care, entertainment, etc

so to have these while making your own rules means learning how to be self-sustained, grow your garden, raise chickens, learn how to build solar, wind, hydro, thermal power, learn medical techniques and healing herbs, learn how to make weapons, how to shoot

when you start valuing your freedom more than your comforts, is when you will start knowing what to say no to and when to say fuck you instead of me too

again, you’re now in the open world, you either get to be prey or predator, sheet or wolf, both have their sacrifices and benefits

time to choose

Blue Pill or Red Pill

Featured post

Hidden Hands

Your life is not your own, not completely

You are not born free, not entirely

Since before you were born, ‘till long after you have died, there are hands moving things, voices deciding your fate

You earn your freedom, just like you earn your life, if you can completely live on your own in the woods covering your own basic human needs, then you have earned your life

The day you can do whatever you want with impunity, whether it harms or offends another or not, that is the day you have earned your life

Sad words, but are they not true?!

All the good, and the bad in your world, your life, all the crime, poverty, disease, and discrimination is not accidental or natural, it is decided and created by those who choose to act

Whether you agree with their will or not, unless you act otherwise and become victorious, the world continues in the direction it is already heading in

Same with your life

More than money, you need to know how to think

How to grow, catch and prepare your food

You need to know how to create your shelter, heal yourself, fight and protect yourself

All the money in the world can’t protect you from the government and hidden organizations

All the status in the world can’t keep you from an ass whooping or getting stabbed

Chase your dreams, become a movie star but always remember the things that sustain yourself

Your life is valuable, this is why those who employ you need to keep you in servitude, if you seek your freedom, know that there will be a war to be fought

“never come between a man and his money” Dave Chappelle

But should you ever decide to, be ready to fight, kill, sacrifice, maybe lose it all

Whether you choose to bum out or grind till your bones are powder, the man-made world will continue to turn

If you aren’t taking back your life and freedom, it is being taken from you

Because if you aren’t moving forward, you are moving backward

Just a thought 

Featured post

Pleasures Of Being Wrong (Part 1)

remember when you were young and you just luuuuuuved fucking around, playing, experimenting, getting dirty, breaking shit, tasting something nasty, putting things in holes to see what happens?!

remember how you always got in trouble for one thing or another, don’t do that, don’t say this, don’t go there, don’t, don’t, don’t

until you got to a certain age and you promptly started not doing, like you were told, a matter of fact, the rest of your peers also started not doing, slowly you began being silent, still and obedient, at least on the surface

but like water on the soil, little by little you started being silent, still, and obedient on the inside as well, slowly dying, slowly hating your life because the people that met you at that stage truly believed that you were a silent, still and obedient person, teachers praised you, peers admired you, the quiet and mysterious one they dubbed you

you even started getting work based on that identity, then you’d turn on your social media, you’d see jackass, short videos on tik tok, world star vines, kids, peers, doing crazy, wild, playing, experimenting, breaking, putting shit in holes just to see what happens

jealousy bubbled up a little but you quickly dismissed them as fades, 15-second fame, not going to amount to anything, sometimes you’d even watch a bit longer just waiting to see them crash and burn, almost like a part of you wanted… needed them to crash and burn

then some of them did crash, burn, break, get maimed and mutilated, some even died, you felt a slightly disturbing sensation of satisfaction, that sweet “I don’t you so” feeling, that validating feeling

but some of them get famous, get recognized, get wealthy, get established, wiser, and even respectable, all the things that you were taught you will only get if you are silent, still, and obedient

you discredit, scrutinized, and dismiss them every which way you can, calling them lucky, anomalous, the exception, or taken an unfair path while strongly suppressing this urge, the yearning to ask “Why not me?”

you ignore that feeling for days, years, maybe even the rest of your adult life, playing the antagonist every time someone brings up the topic of doing something crazy, wild, experimental, breaking, or putting things in holes just to see what happens, the nay-sayer, the cautious one, the one who sees only the things that could go wrong

if you’re fortunate, eventually the curiosity catches up to you, the urge, the yearning finally breaks you from within and you admit to yourself that some things are worse than death, like living a silent, still and obedient life  you hate, loath, hating yourself every moment you’re not living a life that fulfills you

you resolve to start changing shit, even if it means losing everything you have, everyone you’ve ever known, realized on, trusted, but your mind fails to conceive just how far you can fall just to rebuild what you should’ve built the first moment you felt the craving to explore, hunt and search all the things this life could offer

you go to those closest to you and boldly announce what you’re going to do, how you’re going to change, experiment, break and put shit into holes

at first, you get laughter, being dismissed and ignored, some even seem slightly indulging

then you begin your first act and quit your job, first few weeks are amazing, so much freedom, so much energy, so many ideas, things to explore, people to connect and network with

3rd-month rolls in, the excitement are gone, now you need focus, the passion has left, now you need discipline, the friends, colleagues, and even loved ones are gone, now there’s only you left

now you learn that it wasn’t just working keeping you from reaching the life you want, but knowledge, wisdom, experience, skills, a network, infrastructure

it is at this time that it becomes clear that perhaps the opportunity to explore, experiment, have fun, break shit has passed

what do you do?

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Loving Shit You Hate

Doing shit you hate will make you happier

Wait, I know this sounds crazy as fuck but doing shit you hate, will make you happier

And I don’t mean everything you hate, some shit like doing your taxes and working your 9-5 is draining you slowly and killing you bit by bit so no, I’m not referring to that

I mean putting on a good podcast instead of streaming your social media feed

I’m talking about putting on a good audiobook instead of listening to that playlist you always go to

I mean eating some tasteless veggies with some skinless chicken breast instead of fucking up that second box of pizza

Talking a cold shower, spending some time alone, dancing in the middle of the day to no music, working out every day, being honest (especially when you know it’s going to lead to an argument), saying you’re sorry, really listening when someone speaks

I know all of these sound obvious but be honest with yourself, in the past 24 hours, how many of them have you done?

Learning how to feel pain and not react to it, how to listen to criticism, or not running away from your feelings

Do you really wanna be fulfilled?

It ain’t more money, MacDonalds, a phone call, or the next scroll on your IG that’s gonna give you that fulfillment you desire

It’s doing all the shit you would rather die from eating cactuses than do

After feeling down from the pain of doing that thing you hate, everything else for the rest of the day just feels so much better

And that’s not counting all the tangible benefits of doing all that was listed above

I don’t know, just a thought

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Letters From a Fan

do you remember it? that feeling?

that very first time?

do you remember the first time you heard a song, saw a performance, and everything in you was so electrified that you just knew that that’s what you want to do

you asked yourself: “I wonder how it feels to get up on that stage, get in that ring, go out into the field and do that?”

it happens in comedy, in music, in dancing, in movies, music videos, sports, acting, martial arts, painting, name any profession

because in craft, any profession, any art form, when it’s done at its absolute pinnacle draws you in, makes you a part of it, intoxicates you in ecstasy, and signs in your hand “you can do this too”

this is what drew us, and draws us today to many of the things that energize and fills us with soul, life, inspiration, motivation, and this burning urge to do shit, to create

we hear them saying “I’ve been doing this for 20 years” “I practice every day for 5 hours”, “I gave up dating, friends, college for this”, “I teased, bullied, ridiculed for doing this” “I slept on couches, eating only noodles for 5 years”

but none of it registers like how we feel when we see them doing what they do best, because we want to feel that, we want to hear an instrument play, start singing, and hit the high note that silences and shocks the whole room

we want to be able to stand on stage and inspire a room full of strangers, or make people you don’t know laugh so hard they pee themselves a little

in truth, we need that feeling, that feeling of floating through the stars and sitting on the moon and watching the earth move slowly with the dim darkness of space in the background

that feeling of consuming emotion when you hear that one song, that one song that means everything to you, that song that holds the deepest and most intimate moments you’ve ever experienced in your life

being a fan, no one recruits you to be a fan, there’s no college or course for it, you just find yourself betting on this singer, rapper, brand, actor, comedian, player, dancer and defending every single thing they do like they’re your mother, brother, sister, lover, best friend, even though you’ve never met them and they don’t even know you exist

you defend them because there’s this deep feeling that when they win, you win when they fail, you fail, you cheer them on because of this bond, you cry with them, share their failures, and support their decisions, even when you don’t agree with them

you dream about just sharing fifteen minutes of their lives with them to drink in their knowledge and ask them things you’ve been dying to know ever since you discovered their existence

they fail, they hurt, they get criticized, ridiculed, hurt, they doubt, coward, get abandoned, betrayed, lied to, cheated, they make sacrifices that no one ever gets to know

partly because we exist, but mostly because they just have an obsession with this thing, you love the song, they love the process of making the song, you love seeing the, perform, they love performing, you love the joke, they love hearing your laughter, you love telling them how your life has changed because of them, they love sharing why they do what they do

fan and creator, most of the time, we share this blind relationship where we never meet, never speak, but exist partly because of each other

and on those very few occasions, when you meet a comedian who got into comedy because of you, a singer who practices every day before your song is their late mom’s favorite, who plays every game because they know some kid out there is watching and has hope because they see them like you were hoping for them when things got their darkest

every word, every act is a seed in a large forest, and just the trees gave you shade, the herbs that healed you, the fruits that fed your soul, put a smile on your face and happiness in your heart, your words and actions are what feed, shade, protect, nourish those who hear them, get touched by them

“no man is an island” African proverb, we fans exist because of those who chose to create and share those creations, and when their time comes, and they are no longer able to create, when they no longer have it in them to create, must now take the baton, pick up the torch and carry the fire and feed the love for those that come after us

Thank you for reading this

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Blame the victim

This will upset you so please do not read any further

The victim is also to blame

It always takes two to create a situation, if someone is getting abused and or taken for granted, you are partly creating that situation

Either actively or passively but you are allowing the person to harm you physically, emotionally, mentally, or otherwise

It hurts to be without, to not have shelter, food, security, etc. so at times the person who does have gets to dictate what is to occur during that interaction

And sometimes their dictatorship is quite tyrannical

But would you get your shit together if the dictatorship were otherwise?

Would you become more responsible, more aware, more empathetic, more ambitious, driven

Yes, it hurts, yes it’s traumatic, yes, it may lead some of us in the wrong direction but what about us that it leads in the right direction?

Those of us who get post-traumatic growth from these harmful experiences?! it is pain plus reflection that teaches, not comfort and blame-removal

Existence is made of things that appear and disappear, it is not personal, it is not always fun, but if you are not creating what you desire then you are part of someone else creating what they desire

And that creation may be good or bad for you, but it will be created as long as you sit ideally by waiting for some god, government, universe, or stroke of luck to change it all for you

The victim is also partly to blame, only weak prey gets eaten, get stronger, get smarter, more connected, skilled

If you chose not to, then you don’t get a say in how the person who’s keeping you alive gets to conduct themselves unless they give you that privilege

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Our Little Fantasy Or Two

So we all have our little fantasies. Well, I have two. First, one is getting fucked senseless by a stranger, and secondly, lose my inhibitions to a Dom.

Last month I decided to go out for a light dinner and a drink or two. That’s where I met Lindi. Stormy grey eyes, ash-blond hair, and a husky voice sent chills down my spine all the way to my core. After a few drinks, I plucked up enough courage to talk to her.

Conversation flowed and I was excited. At some point, I needed to use the bathroom. As I was about to exit the ladies, there she was, burning a hole right through my undies. Her walk was determined, slow, and calculated.

Her gaze stopped me right in my tracks. She took my mouth in hers in the most sensual way I’ve ever experienced. When she pulled away she said in a matter of fact

“I wonder what you sound like when you’re squirting your legs drenched, should I find out here or at my place?”.

My voice caught in my throat. Eventually, when I did get my voice back I said in what was little more than a whisper “your place?” so only she heard me.

We hadn’t been at her place for two seconds and she had me strip down to my lacey underwear. She told me to kneel down by the sofa until she comes back. She went into the bedroom.

When she came out she was wearing a leather corset, leather hot pants that looked like they had a hole on the crotch, and black thigh-high boots.

She helped me to my feet and walked me to another room that had a four-poster bed and what looked like a suspension bar hanging from the ceiling. She motioned me to lift up my hands above my head.

I did as told and in one swift move, my hands were restrained on the suspension bar. Her posture and demeanor changed. The Dom in her was coming out. The stormy grey in her eyes became darker.

“You will address me as empress” her husky voice stern and authoritative
“Your safe word is red, do we understand each other”.

I nodded and swallowed to try and get my voice back. She unhooked my bra and threw it on the bed, her touch so sensual it burned my skin most erotically. Her mouth placed the softest kisses on my nipples.

Slowly working her way down to my very wet pussy. She pulled my underwear down with the most unhurried motion I’ve ever seen, sending tingling sensations to every nerve in my body.

She kissed my pussy again this time with more hunger and need, I could feel the pleasure build up like a tidal wave. Faster and harder. Fuck she knew how to make a girl squirm.

She stopped and walked to a bag I hadn’t noticed and took out a flogger. She smacked the flogger on my breasts and I felt a light sting, followed by pleasure on my clit.. Oh lord, my toes curled at the sensation.

Another smack and I let out a moan. Two more and my clit was throbbing, aching for some kind of relief. I tried to squeeze my thighs together but she hit me on my ass harder this time making me squeal.

“Do you want me to restrain your feet too?”

All I could do was shake my head as an answer. By the time I had my bearings back the flogger was on the floor and I felt something hard and thick fill my pussy.

With the first thrust, my core clenched around the thick shaft. She pulled out and thrust again and it started to vibrate.

With every movement, every thrust she drove me closer and closer. She kissed me and picked up my thighs so my legs came around her waist. Her movement pushed the strapon deeper and it hit just the right spot.

I felt my entire body spasm as the orgasm shattered through me. Again and again. She let go of my legs and undid the restraints, walked me to the bed, and massaged my shoulders and wrist

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Fear Of Aftermath

You’re a smart person, relatively, when you see someone tell you about their plans, or what they’d like to do, you can usually see without much struggle most of the pitfalls they’ll run into and the emotions that are driving these decisions

ever tried turning that power on yourself? ex’s, fights, arguments, quitting, lying, avoiding, procrastinating, pretending, if I asked you whether you do any of these things, likely you’ll say no or “very seldom” and your conscious, logical mind says that because it knows for a fact that that’s what it would do if ever faced with that decision

but what your conscious mind conveniently ignores is that one or handful of emotions that can run cartblunch on it, that can and usually do claim eminent domain on all your functions: thought, action, emotion, intention, perception, all of them

what is that emotion for you? loneliness, fear of poverty, being lied to, being rejected, being confronted, what is that action or emotion that triggers level 5 lockdown and martial law within you?

because if you look back, you’re likely to realize that it is that emotion that keeps pulling you back from all your dreams, decisions, intellect, strength, wisdom, and creativity, those that have known you for longer than a month would often tell you that you’re a good person until X is said to you or Y is done, then you turn into a monster, an animal, a completely unfeeling being

it is your Darkside, your survival instinct, your pain, fears, worries and need to never feel or experience that thing ever again, when things are at their most critical junction, emotion and stakes are at their highest, it is this emotion that wrestles the reins out of your palms and throws aways everything you know is right in lieu of the safe path

is it pain, loneliness, rejection, confrontation, deception, manipulation, being underestimated, belittled, what is it that makes you go wild?

what is it that triggers you? you know it, and even if you never say it out loud, you know it is the reason you make terrible decisions, speak when you should listen, fight when you should accept, and anger when you should be curious

and even if you never admit it to anyone else, you know that unless and until you wrestle that emotion, calm it, understand it and guide it off the ledge, you will never be able to attain those things you desire so much?

take 5 minutes to think about this

“in life, we suffer two kinds of pains; the pain of progress or the pain of regret” Jim Rohn

at times deciding what to do, whether to do something or whether to speak is the easy part, what comes after, sticking to that decision when the pain, the pressure, the complexity, and conflict arises from that decision

the big allure towards making an immediately pleasurable decision is the fact that if the pressure, pain, and doubt is coming anyway then at least you got to have a little pleasure before the shit hit the fanny pack

whereas if you make the right decision, the pleasure will come, possibly even greeter that if you had made the decision with the immediately pleasurable outcome, but you might not hold out long enough to taste that pleasure, you might quit halfway, you might get cheated out of your dues, it might take longer than you anticipate

making the right decision is especially hard because of this, it’s like if you were told that the world is ending tomorrow, would you spend the rest of your time figuring out how you can survive it or party like a lunatic till the lights go out

if you’re terminally sick, do you spend every breath figuring out how to survive on a throw in the towel, and enjoy all that you can tick off on the bucket list?

the hardest part about making the decision that is immediately pleasurable is finding out how well those that made the hard decision faired, how you would have faired had you made the same decision, it’s finding out that you actually would’ve made it and it wasn’t as bad as you imagined it would’ve been

Fatigue makes cowards of us all


but Anticipation of pain and suffering particularly tests our will to achieve that which we claim to desire, it is the fire that cleans out the forest, the flood that uproots shallow trees

this is why the motive and reason behind everything you do is so important because you will be tested, in the most severe possible

it’s only a matter of time

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Moment It All Changed

Do you remember the moment your life changed? the specific moment when you went from being a kid to being a grown-up?

the second when the person who was once responsible for you was no longer there to make sure you eat, sleep, bath, stay happy and healthy?

in Africa, we once had a tribal system where the grandparents raised the grandkids, and the teenagers took care of the elderly, while the young adults provided for, protected the tribe while learning about the world beyond, creating, inventing, and discovering themselves

the grandparents took care of the kids because they fully understood how to feed, teach, heal and let the kids be

the teenagers took care of the grandparents to learn empathy, responsibility basics of taking care of yourself and those around you, and listen to stories about the family and history

the young adults were allowed to simply be, explore and discover because once you’ve been initiated, taught how to take care of those around you, yourself, empathy, and history, you now must go learn about yourself

this system wasn’t unique to Africans, the native Americans, Asians, and Indians also used it and for centuries it worked wonders because grandparents weren’t blood relations only, it was anyone and everyone elderly, kids were every child, the teenager was any young person who just hit puberty and so on

this way, even if those directly related to you died, were sick or incapable of taking care of those needs, they were still taken care of by the system of the tribe, thus came the African proverb “it takes a village to raise a child”

but the war came, the world changed, ways were lost, high death rates and conflict made it hard and sometimes impossible to pass things on, and thus…

now young men and women don’t know how to heal or defend themselves, they don’t know how to express how they feel, deal with said emotions, or even identify that they are there

but if you are fortunate, you grow up with someone or someone(s) that are directly responsible for your physical, emotional, and psychological well-being from the day you are born

then the day comes when the umbilical cord is cut and now whether you eat, sleep well, are clothed, emotionally and psychologically well is completely up to you

do you remember that day?

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His Thoughts (Final Part)

This is why we are here, why we can’t stop. Oblivion, catharsis, communion with the old gods.

The sheer effort it takes to fuck her this way is immense, supporting her weight putting my entire body into it.

Pressing her back into the wall. I breathe hard and slow. Thrusting the air from my lungs in time with the movements with the effort.

She needs all I have and I am here to give that to her – and myself. To TAKE powerfully joyously without restraint.

She knows her honest raw NEED for this is THE thing for me and she loved to get FUCKED.

Fucked In a way that may be a man who loves her can’t.

We are the perfect fit for one another in almost every way, except for maybe all the ways that make a relationship work. We know it because we have that. This is everything that those relationships are not.

She knows how to get it from me. And she loves the way the words sound on her lips. The way I react.

Her timing is exquisite, the way she punctuates our actions with works. Telling asking demanding begging and always above the sounds of our breath the sounds we do not know we make and the sound of our bodies coming together in a rhythmic regular beat. I put as much force and energy behind it as she can take.

She asks for what she needs in gasps.

And she wants a lot.

I indulge in fucking her, using her spread-soaked pussy.

Not the frantic thrusting of youth and porn. Powerful purposeful thrusts 2,3 a second each from my legs each as deep as I can fucking get them as she rises and falls onto my cock.

Using her weight letting her fall when she wants it harder. When she wants it to hurt just a little.

Oh, fucking Jesus!!


Come on, baby!!

fucking take what you want.

fucking USE it.


I can take it.

I want it, baby.

FUCK Me like he doesn’t.




Her words are whispered and groaned and gasped fully of lust and rage and relief

My own voice barked and quiet saving my air for the effort, growing louder, she can feel it in me.

look at me !!

she demands my attention – drawing me into her eyes.

I can see the motion and pleasure of my thrusts transferred to her smiling face as we look into one another and I start to lose control. never breaking eye contact she growls quietly down at me as I fuck her pussy.

That’s my baby,

I want it,

cum in me.

DO it!

her words push me over the edge and I do, flooding her with it in waves – all I can do to stay upright to stop my knees from giving in beneath us. she takes over the movement for us slowing it down, working herself down onto it – clenching me inside herself as hard as she can.

The heat of it, the act of being filled by another man’s cum up against a wall in her lounge, dangling there like some fuck toy sends her over the edge,

Fuck don’t stop!

Don’t fucking stop.



I can feel her start to cum around me, my hot cum dripping from her to the floor beneath us as she moves.

calling out as each wave hits her rising in strength and then starting to fade

before she is done I pin and thrust up inside her forcing her up high enough to let her unhook her exhausted arms and drop them over my head. clinging to me, I drop her down onto my cock, sending it so utterly deep she grunts like some wounded animal.

we cling to each other like that for a minute shivering together

my legs giving out I lift her body off of my cock – the hot mess of our fucking spilling from her as I pull my cock from deep inside her I put her down onto weak shivering legs.

God fucking dammit,

she swears at me as she slips from my clutches walking off into the kitchen leaning against the counter she lights us a joint. takes a deep pull and hands it to me.

I put my cock away slowly and take it from her straightening my clothes trying to look professional again.

So how you doing?

the question makes us laugh and we head out onto the sun on her balcony – I watch her pulling her ruined shirt loosely around herself – she sees where my eyes go and smiles at me as we walk into the sun.

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Weight For It

two things are hard to notice when they happen: things that move fast photons and things that move slowly like a snail

it is also hard to notice things that are either big  like planetary movements or political battles in the global arena, or things that are small like atoms, molecules, micro-expressions, and unspoken words

and because these things are relatively beyond your size and/or speed, it is easy to dismiss them or their effect on you and your life

falling out of love is sometimes a slow process, and because it is so slow, it is easy to dismiss all the signs, usually because they may occur so infrequently or they may be explained away by other factors, losing your life can also happen very slowly, losing your freedom, your happiness, where someone or something takes away only a single thing you love every 6 or so months, and one day you wake up and you’re completely empty and you don’t even know how it happened

achieving or failing to achieve your goals is also another one of those things that happen slowly, a missed opportunity here, a decision to not do something, there, tiny decisions that alone pose no threat to your dreams

but they accumulate, like using a teaspoon to dig into a wall, at first each scrap seems insignificant, but after days, weeks, months of consistently scraping at that wall, the house finally comes down

the ego has a skillful way of stroking your pride and giving you all the reasons you need to justify missing that opportunity, quitting when it gets a little hard, and at the moment, that one decision may mean nothing

but you pan out and look over years, and you see those decisions accumulate, sometimes the image we have in our head about who we are, and how we react to adversity, how passionate or driven we are is not matched by the reality of how decisions

it is in these moments that it is important to have someone who will tell you the truth at the risk of hurting your feelings and upsetting you, someone who will cut the shit and tell you exactly as they see it

the damage to your dreams happens slowly, so slow that you may not notice it, while the ultimate destruction happens so fast that you’re too slow to stop it

similarly, each action is tiny, so tiny that it may seem meaningless, while the goal may be large, so large that you may disregard it as impossible, but this is when you must know that each step matters, every action, “because the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”


sometimes the reason why some defeat you is not because of inborn talent, it isn’t because of hard work, size, speed, intelligence, connections, experience, or any of those things, or at least those things aren’t the defining factor in them coming out ahead

alcohol is an impulse control inhibiter, it keeps you from being able to rationally and fully assess whether you should be doing something or not, or at least that’s how it behaves in some of us

ever felt the punch of a drunk person?! the weight, the aggression, the force, the entire offloading of their being into that fist

how about a drunk person’s words?! that’s emotion, that weight, that’s an explosion of a dying star, it’s the hysterical strength of a desperate mother, the words of a broken heart or the actions of a desperate man working, speaking, learning to save, support, protect or provide for his mother, his woman, his child, his dreams

that is what drives him, that’s what pushes him, that’s why when he feels tired, lazy, bored, confused, tempted, uninterested, the weight draws him, it pushes him, it pressures him, it is hard to stop working when the completion of that task will put food on the table

you have a dream, but you’re not chasing it or paying attention to it because even if it doesn’t get reached, the outcome will be disappointing but not heartbreaking or life-altering

ask any woman who’s ever gotten dick from a broken man, a guy identity and sense of self-worth is tied to whether or not she soaks the bed, screams his name and curls into his arms, and never wants to leave afterward

similarly, ask any man who’s ever been loved by a woman with daddy issues, a woman whose desperate need to love, nourish and support her man is how she defines whether she deserves love or not

you don’t have that kind of drive because nothing depends on whether you reach that goal or not, you don’t need to attain that goal and no one around you is depending on whether you reach it or not

Two Basic Concepts:

1, are you disregarding the importance of something because it either moves too fast or too slow for you to comprehend or keep up with?! or is it so big or so small that the size is intimidating or deceiving?

2, is there any weight behind what you wanna do, why you wanna do it, and what you seek to achieve?

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Lose The Dead Weight

Allow yourself to fuckup so you can lose the dead weight in your life

listen this is my opinion, you do not need to even consider this as an absolute truth

life is most pleasurable when you can take extreme chances with the deep confidence that should shit hit the fanny pack, those around you will pick you up, dust you off, figure out what went wrong with you, and allow you to go take another chance and fuck up again

because though the unknown can be scary as fuck, it can also be really exciting, to do something on the fly, take a chance, do some risky behavior, especially when you’re grown and no longer have as many opportunities to let loose, have fun and make memories without someone trying to tell you what to do, how to live and reprimand you for being

so allow yourself to fuck up and lose those who were not going to stick by you anyway, regardless of what reason they may give, what excuse they may make, what righteousness they may claim over you, if they cannot accept you for who you want to be, say “good fucks gone”

P.s. I’m not saying be a piece of shit, ruthlessly destructive, unreliable, and intentionally hurting those around you just to see how far you can push them but you know when someone’s trying to infringe on your freedom when they’re trying to mother you

sometimes it’s your literal mother, spouse, friend, sibling, the list goes on, do what you want to do and if they bail when the fall out happens, then you know where you stand with them, there is nothing more reliable in a relationship then actions, that shit is a court ruling between legal people, actions either confirm or negate everything a person has said before

and the strangest thing is that most of the time its people you didn’t expect to step up and stand by you when shit hits the fan, enemies, acquaintances, friends of a friend, a friend’s girlfriend, an ex, a stranger

most of the time is it not the people closest to you, the people you thought would stay by your side who stay by your side, those are the people who will have the loudest opinion but the most non-existent act

so allow yourself the space, freedom, and open-mindedness to do so shit that surprises even you, some wild shit, some shit you know will be a killer story afterward

and please, lose that dead weight quick, the second a person has a thousand reasons why they want to quit you, sharpen that knife and cut ’em off quick, because you don’t say on what the team does if your threat is always to leave

leave that push-pull shit in high school, and let’s do some legendary shit

chasing the invisible is harder than chasing anything you can touch, like anxiously trying to hold a sunray, or a cloud

can’t chase fearlessly unless you know those that will catch you no matter what

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His Thoughts (Part 3)

Throwing my head back call out loud and it happens, a weeks’ worth of need for her for release. The kind of orgasm that happens in my legs my pulse hammering through my pelvis in rhythmic contractions. I call out with each spasm.

Her movements never stopping, slowing she sucks it out of me. Without words without permission without warning I fill her gorgeous mouth with my cum, feeling her swallow rhythmically till I am finished.

Shivers till wracking my body in little waves she teases. Licking and… and sucking the head of it in small sucking kisses.

Awash with lust for her, my body alive in gratitude, reveling in her at my feet, her breasts surging towards me with every breath, her nipples offered up by the lingerie and positioning of her arms above her head.

she smiles at me while still teasing my cock with her mouth indulgently. noticing my gaze she purposefully slides her knees deliciously apart so I can see the sheer lace clinging to her pussy.

My body moves without thought now. Pure need, pure want without hesitation.

Already my cock feels alive at the teasing touches of her mouth. I pull her up by her hands.

basing myself using both of my hands, the strength in my shoulders, slowly drawing her up the wall her hands up over her head. . then further, stretching out her gorgeous body against mine.

slipping her bound hands over the top of the coat hook.

It will hold.

I put it in for her.

She watched me do it.

Each bolt for this exact purpose.

So she could hang from it if she wanted to.

So she could look at it across the room in polite company and imagine her body stretched out from it for pleasure.

I break away from kissing her gorgeous mouth again, drawing my body from hers, and yet I can still feel the warmth of it.

Drinking in the sight of her hanging there. Her dress hanging open at her sides. Parting at her half-naked breasts falling down past her hips.

we enjoy the moment of it, pausing to savor her voluntary and playful submission and vulnerability. the offering of her body to me. She watches me trying to decide what I want to do with her. al mine, my fucking plaything.

I can’t hold back any longer, I step back into her body, pressing my hand up into the heat between her legs. I can feel the sheer lace clinging to my palm. she groans out loud at the pressure against her clit. a sound that shocks us in volume, in the expression of need, making us both breath harder in excitement. I lean in further and she parts herself for it.

instantly flooding dark the sheer lace of her panties against my hand. her breathing ragged as we kiss. I seek out her clit through her underwear with my fingertips, her body writhing, pulling gently against the restraint above her head.

sliding my hand up from the warmth of her pussy up onto her belly to her hip. leaning in to taste her mouth again, her pert hard nipples pressed into the crisp white linen of my shirt.

placing the other hand on the opposing hip then sliding them around to her gorgeous arse, crushing it in my hands drawing her up against my hard cock again. slowly gathering soft lace covering her arse into my hands.

then then in one slow movement dropping to my knees drawing her underwear down her thighs. in urgent hungry tugs till they are around her ankles. my hot breath against her thighs

she lifts her foot to step out of them and I use the small movement to slip my hand underneath her knee, lifting and spreading her suddenly and dramatically in front of me, before she has a chance to breathe I put my mouth on her clit, dragging my hot tongue slowly firmly over it.

she calls out, I hold her tight

holding her apart supporting her I work her clit with my tongue slow firm pressure.

I moan at the taste of her. she thrusts her sex back at me, hanging from her hands, moaning at the increase in pressure. I know what she likes and I don’t let up, she moves against me taking control of her own pleasure getting my mouth right on the spot.

her thigh slides up onto my shoulder to support her. then the other- I sink down just enough to let her toes touch the floor behind me I kiss her sex. drawing my tongue through it to her clit.

I know what she wants by freeing my hands of the need to support her and I give it to her. entering her deeply with my fingers in one smooth motion

her legs shiver and she swears out loud thrusting her pelvis onto them, her clit against my mouth.

She gets loud

I bury my fingers deep inside her, moving them gently firmly forward towards the lapping of my tongue, opening her up in small pulsing movements.

she moves her hips backward increasing the pressure of my fingertips inside her, god I can feel her open up around me, so fucking wet. she tastes so fucking good.

both of us again utterly lost to it, almost unaware of the other and yet intimately connected. hyperaware floating in the pleasure of it.

It happens slowly, powerfully. her entire body clamps down on my hand like a vice, her moan rising in volume as it happens. When she cums it lasts minutes, in waves. her legs dancing against my body shivering. her wetness runs down my hand, soaking my shirt

she knows I love this, to bring her to this place.

What happens next is a shared and wild effort to get my whole fucking cock inside her as quickly as possible.

She throws her legs around my hips as I rush to stand, just long enough for me to slide my elbows underneath her knees.

Supporting her. She moves to spread it and taking the hint I draw her apart in response. Leaning in I press her luscious arse up against the wall, purposefully shifting my weight and hers in my arms positioning myself beneath and against her. The head of my achingly hard cock finding the soaking heat of her pussy.

She thrusts her breasts into my face, using the strength in her arms for leverage. I used a lot of bolts in that thing. Thank fuck.

She lowers her spread cunt slowly down onto the fat head of my cock. And I lean into the movement. Crushing her between the cold wall and my hard body.

We make it last an eternity

Till I’m deep, the fucking deepest I’ve ever been in a woman. The groan that comes from her is something old and animal and alive. We move together for every last mm. Her breath in little gasps

She throbs around me utterly impaled on my cock. so fucking wet it drips from my balls.

We center slowly controlling our breathing, breathing together.

She growls out, more to the universe than to me.

Do it.

Fucking DO IT.

Then her eyes snap back to mine.

Do it, FUCK me.

I’m not your wife. FUCK ME.

To Be Continued…

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Suffer Well

Learning to get sharpened by your struggle instead of getting blunted by it is a life lesson that many never learn

There is such a thing as a life that’s better than yours, but there is no such thing as a life free of pain and struggle

It matters not how high in this life you get or how low you get, pain and struggle will find you, because pain and struggle are relative

What is pleasurable and easy for you is painful and complicated for another

Similarly, what is complicated and painful for you, to someone else is simple and pleasurable

But learning to struggle well, to love the struggle, to get sharpened by it, to get molded and shaped by it is what turns the pain pleasurable and ultimately the complex, simple

And most importantly, it moves you forward by steps, leaps, and bounds

You will not see this in isolation because your senses and focus will be locked on each next step, but the moment you get around like-minded individuals, and compare notes are when you will begin to realize just how far ahead you are or how behind

Not because of money, mentors, resources, facilities, or any other external factor except your approach and engagement with the struggle, with the pain

It is natural to want to run, when you take a cold shower, pain seizes your brain and before you can logically process the stimuli, you’ve already moved from the water: from boosting your immune system to teaching your body how to retain warmth

But you do not realize that had you just stayed in that cold shower for 5-7 minutes…

It’s like blinking when you think something’s about to get into your eye

You must learn to calm your entire being so that your logical mind can process what is happening and make a decision based on that

Those Around You

Many things that you desire, you are not receiving, not because you are not worthy of them but because those around you are not, and you are being denied those things because if you receive them then they do too, and the giver may not desire that and thus keep it from you

Similarly, the fear may be that if that is the company you keep then a part of you resonates with them, thus making you like them, despite what appearances may dictate

It’s like how you know that the reason why your life is not getting anywhere is that you keep carrying other people’s loads, you keep putting out their fires and fighting their battles

And you do so because you either feel like you’re obligated, you need to feel needed, or you’re afraid you may need them down the line, and unfortunately, that fear is keeping you from realizing that you’ll never get down the line if you keep carrying them

Your money, your knowledge, your resources, your connections, your efforts, everything about you keeps pushing this boulder up the mountain, only for it to roll down just before the summit

And you know this

Often the people you are protecting from their inadequacies, their selfishness, entitlements never learn the lessons they need to learn because you keep learning those lessons for them

Then try to tell them the lesson with no consequences attached to not heeding that lesson

And thus they never get to grow, change and become who they need to become

It sometimes takes great pain and loss to learn the most important lessons you need to learn, to become the person you need to become to have the life you want

And without that pain, the lessons can never be learned

The World Vs. You

The world does not care much what you think, despite what companies and salespeople may want you to think

and because it doesn’t care, you keep failing to act and receive the results you desire in the world, you’re constantly interacting with things, people, and situations the way you think they ought to be and not how they are


Su-rrender, your Na-me, and be as a Chi-ld

Learned this concept from the popular anime One-Piece

the one thing every child knows best, the one thing we someone forget when we start adopting beliefs, is that you know nothing and it is often the things that you do not know that cause you the most harm

So surrender whoever you think you are and be as a child

This is the great path, the tropical channel to nirvana, always surrendering yourself to the lesson, not the teacher, not to what you know, what you believe, or what/who you have, but to the lesson

It is the great purifier, the fire that makes all metals honest

The struggle and pain is the alchemy that will transform you, but whether you become platinum or ashes depends on how you perceive all the struggle and pain you go through

So ask yourself, are you struggling well?

Is the pain you’re feeling teaching and opening your mind, heart, and spirit

Or is it hardening you, turning you cynical, hard of mind, cold of heart, and weak-spirited?

The next time you feel pain, mental, emotional, physical, ask yourself



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Creeping Coward

this is where language begins to fail me, the path of fear is a very slippery one, from feeling it to thinking it, to attacking it and that quickly becoming a defining trait in you

get punched, feel afraid, think “oh my god, he’s gonna kill me”, taking one step back, then running and continuing to run

being told to do something you don’t want to do, feeling intimidated, thinking “if I don’t do this I’m gonna get fired/dumbed/cheated on/abandoned”, taking one step towards doing that thing you don’t want to do, to being a person who is defined by his/her timidity, that person who thinks very little of themselves, always makes excuses and buckles under pressure

no one consciously chooses to be that person, it feels empty, paralyzing, a pitiful existence, and it always defines itself through arrogance, boastfulness, the overcorrection of attempting to hide itself

and strangely enough, as a coward, you know what the cure is, you think about it, you feel it, you dream about it, being audacious, courageous, blatant, bold

you know that the only way you’ll overcome that fear is to throw being outrageously ballsy, even if it means being wrong

you can train, practice, study, and know in your heart of hearts that you have better skill, knowledge, insight on whatever it is you’re afraid of, and indeed that competence will raise your confidence

but you know that when the moment surprises you when it randomly decides to stand before you, it’s a leap of faith to stop being a coward, for cowardice may keep you safe, but no war or battle has ever been won in defense, and eventually, all defense crumbles

you know what you must do, it’s terrifying, frightening, crippling and it’s much easier to hide, run, pretend, lie, defend, but how do you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself after that

and is that how you want to live?

“once one tastes fear, it is not easy to forget” Hajime no Ippo

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The Head, The Heart, The Hand

Learn to feel emotion but not yourself be driven by it

Learn to go through tough times and not get destroyed by them, turned into an evil person or a hopeless one

At the same time, learn to succeed and not let the success turn you into a self-proclaimed guru or a dick/bitch

Because nothing is static in this life, in this universe, nothing remains the same forever, all this go through ebbs and flows

When someone went through a rough time when good times come they are unable to recognize and appreciate them when someone good comes into their lives that they are unable to recognize them and treat them accordingly

The same can be said for people whose lives have gone so well that they are unable to recognize when a poisonous person comes into their mist

It is these ebbs and flows that are meant to season you to life, the same way we season chicken and it tastes far better seasoned than if it wasn’t, the same thing can be said for a seasoned person

When you’re young you’re chasing fantasy and dreams, the things you see on tv or that your friends and cousins talk about, the shit you think would be cool to have

And it is for that reason that you’re always seeking pure people when you’re young, people that have not gone through life, people that don’t have traumas or scares

But it is only when you mature that you learn that these are the people you need for the long journey, to achieve those difficult and near impossible goals that keep you awake at night, those that have gone through the best of times, those that have gone through the worst of times

Those that have felt ecstasy and deep sorrow and have come out the other side still able to dream, feel, care, love, and imagine

This is the part of life that no one can teach you, how to feel and experience the extreme highs and the deep lows without letting them define you

Because unfortunately, that is what ultimately decides whether you get to experience the fullness of life again and again and become a magnet that attracts those experiences

Just a thought

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Sounds Of Your Skin

Ever noticed how you could be having a very logical and reasonable debate with a significant other, and be correct in your point until they touch you and suddenly you can’t remember what your point was?

Ever suddenly seen an ex, feel that jolt of emotion, have it subside, and know in your heart of hearts that you’re never getting back together with them until you hug them?

if you’ve ever worked out for longer than three days, then stopped for a long time, when you get back into doing it, ever noticed how after a few times, it’s almost like you physically remember how to do it but you can’t articulate it

The mind may forget but the flesh always remembers

Your cut, your skin, your muscles, your lips, indeed every single part of your being records sensations, and if it encounters it enough times it begins to remember

These sensations get encoded into your DNA and gets passed on to your kids

For millions of years the earth was a place where the strongest survived, it is only in the past few thousand years that the smart grew to dominate but during the strength age, our bodies learned to quickly remember sensations

Your body still knows and needs physical activity to express and maintain itself

Imagine you’re a glass and every time a few drops of water flow into you, after a while the water grows algae, fungi, and bacteria, soon after the water overflows and spills all that bacteria, algae, and fungi onto anything around it

The water is your energy, and you cannot express energy through thinking

The energy that accumulates inside of you and does not get expressed is what leads to anxiety, depression, overthinking, regret, over-analysis of the past, procrastination, and ultimate unhappiness

Because we as a society value the doers, not the thinkers, it is the man who builds a house that gets to sleep comfortably and peacefully at the end of the day, and not the man who theorized about how to build a house

Even if the man who builds the house fails, he rests knowing that he truly gave it all he had and how to do it better next time

Do something, anything, gardening, carpentry, martial arts, yoga, tai chi, running, hiking, cycling

Express your energy, it swells inside of you urging to be used because what the body knows is that the retirement, the comfort, the lack of effort the mind is so addicted to feels sweetest after exerting maximum effort

Like a glass of ice-cold water on a hot summer day, rest is sweetest after you’ve given everything you have

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His Thoughts (Part 2)

she had the kind of nipples you could see from across the room, in no small part a contributing factor to my penchant for buying her little balconette numbers that left them exposed. small and sensitive and she loved them just a little bit abused

her remaining hand an urgent animal of its plunging into my jeans seeking out my hardness. Frantic now as I crushed her nipple between my fingers.

I’d let her get her hand on it, we both loved that moment, her hand sensually triumphantly sliding around me. I couldn’t help by moan against her lips as she worked for her hand in that first delicious stroke, all the way from the base of it to the head.

Indulging in the movement, in the feeling of it in her hand. She’d work it like that knowing her effect on me. Feeling my body give in. her husky little laugh at me infuriating and alluring

‘d wait till she had it all the way out of my jeans, letting her excitement take over. her last little power play, putting her whole body into it – talking dirty to me as she worked it furiously, trying to get me to fucking cum all over her before I was ready.

I’ve lost this little battle before, unable to control it calling out to the sound of her husky laugh of triumph as I clung to her and pumped my cum up onto her belly over her lingerie and down onto her thighs.

But not this time. coming from the delicious indulgence of her work id snatch her hand from my cock and force it up over her head to join the other.

oh no you fucking don’t

I’d lean in to kiss her again my hard cock between us. we’d melt into one another and somehow she’d wrap the lower half of her body around mine, forcing the heat of her cunt up against my cock. Distracting me just enough to get her hand out of my grip and get it around my cock again.

God her hand felt so fucking good. My eyes close as id fight myself not to give in.

To just let her make me fucking cum. to give in to the release and explode all over her.

She sees it in me and wants it, her husky, mocking little laugh in triumph the thing that snaps me out of it and makes me snatch at her hand, she avoids my grasp and slaps me again, hard.

“FUCK!” I call out loud, my head buzzing, in genuine anger. She looks up into my eyes laughing at me.

I snatch up the black latex resistance band we leave hanging on the hook beside her door.

Pushing my body into hers, protecting myself and pinning her, kissing her hard, as I loop the end tight around the wrist I have. Then snatching up the other before it can do further mischief.

Wrapping her wrists together as she plays at trying to escape. looking down into each other’s eyes. I push her hands up high and hold them there with one of my hands.

my turn now, I put my free hand on her breasts again, then up to her throat, gentle yet powerful. she yanks at her hands to get them free and I laugh at her. She laughs back at me we both know this helpless feeling turns her on.

So fucking hard for her now, throbbing up against the lace between her legs. The agreed power over her and her excitement is such a heady combination I drop my head to fucking devour her tits. Sucking her nipples into my mouth, sucking till she squirms and groans and swears at me, then following her collar bone up to her neck.

my free hand sliding up over her breasts to her collar bone up onto her shoulder.

The other is mindful of my grip on her bound wrists. Without words, I force her to her knees beneath me pinning her hands up high over her head against the wall.

Reaching down grabbing the base of my cock I wordlessly guide it up into her eager mouth. Looking into her eyes, watching her she moves in acceptance in hunger, finally hungrily gulping my cock into her mouth, slowly, slowly, forcefully I fill her mouth the fuck up with it.

Groaning as I hit the back of her throat throbbing there for a moment before easing away from her. giving her room. watching her, she gets to fucking work. Shows how good she looks at my feelings, the things she does to me.

working her head back and forth fucking me with her mouth.

GOD – oh my fucking GOD, I let her work then fuck her back, thirsting gently back at her,

she lets me use her mouth

I let her gasp for breath

she hungers and takes me back down forcing herself down onto it before I’m ready

I call the fuck out

she hangs from her hands I keep pressed up against the wall. somehow she sucks my fucken cock with her entire body

We’re both lost to it now, all movement and heat and breath.

I can’t help but close my eyes leaning in on my hand over hers trapped hers above her head, groaning out loud thrusting slow and deep.

Tensing unable to move, she knows she is in charge now despite her restraint and she takes it. Moving her lips, the heat of her wet throat down the length of me in excited luxurious strokes.

Fuck she wants my cum and I love her for it.

To Be Continued…

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Necessary Toxic Relationships

Mental, emotional, physical pain, can you feel any of these without your fight/flight response being triggered and acted upon

Because once that is triggered, your possible responses get narrowed down to between 3-4 responses, which makes it much easier to create contingencies for

Pain is good because it tells you that you are in danger, that something is damaged but you’re not just an animal, you’re a human being, far more intelligent than any monkey or cat

When your fight/flight response is triggered and you allow it to take the driver’s seat, you lose your most precious and powerful weapon, your conscious mind

The ability to calculate, reason, question, be creative

This is what separates the greats from the average, the simple ability to remain calm, clear, and focused when shit hits the fan

This is why toxic people and toxic environments are important in your life because they keep you from complacency, they build your immunity, your reflexes, and they remind you of the darkness of the world you live in

Too much of your life is padded, it’s safe, you’re afraid of losing your life, your spouse, your kids, your car, and vacation days

But none of these losses are lethal, and because you don’t have anything that is truly threatening in your world, you begin to see these as the real threat until someone tries to break into your house

Until someone attacks you out of road rage until your spouse gets up and leaves you because someone more organic has entered the picture

Maintenance vs. Advancement

There’s a lot of things that you do to keep yourself alive, eat, sleep, bathe, brush your teeth, socialize, keep up to date with the latest, go to work

All of these keep you alive, if you stop breathing, you’ll be dead in minutes, stop bathing and you’ll get sick and be dead within months if not weeks, stop socializing and you’ll miss important updates about your immediate environment and some of which pertain to your life

Same thing with your 9-5 but in 24 hours, how much of your time is spent on maintenance and how much is given to the advancement

sidebar: being broke is not a bad thing, being poor is the problem, being broke just means you don’t have money, being poor means mentally, physically, morally, emotionally, socially you are lacking

The bank account can be empty as long as you have food in the fridge, a roof over your head, someone to love, something you’re chasing, a book to read, and freedom

As opposed to having money but not having food, freedom, peace, someone to love, and something you’re pursuing

We desire mastery, autonomy, and purpose, so once you’ve covered your daily needs, what’s driving you forward, what’s filling your life with daydreams and your nights with wet ones

When you die, what’s that one thing those you love could point to, to say that you lived if you couldn’t use money and possessions as an excuse?

What’s moving you forward because outside of making sure you’re alive day to day when annual days come to be e.g. birthdays, new year’s, anniversaries, etc. that is the only thing that matters, what did I do with my life, my year, where did my dreams, passions, and interests go?

What the system has become masterful at doing is keeping you in constant fight/flight so that you’re constantly afraid of losing the things that maintain you and those around you, so much so that you give up your future, your time, your energy, creativity, and love for life

wake the fuck up, learn how to lose, learn how to feel pain, learn how to live with a little, learn how to go through tough times with no one holding your hand or you giving up who you are just to be saved from what you feel is hell

Go to the main fuse box and turn off the power for 6 hours on Saturday, and regardless of which devices turn off, ask yourself: if there was no electricity, what would we (you and those you live with) do?

Ask someone close to you to slap you and then find it in you to not hate them, fight them or be afraid of them, fast for 16 hours and learn to not let your hunger overtake you

Say an uncomfortable truth to someone you love and remain calm throughout the entire interaction, even if they start crying, fighting, accusing, or saying terrible things to you

this is life, too much of life’s true nature has been taken out of daily life, so much so that when the fear of it being reintroduced is used, you give up the truly important things like time, freedom, privacy, honesty, love and dignity

This is done systematically, but you’re complicit every time you allow your exhaustion to allow you to not fight back when you know you or someone around you is doing something wrong

I can tell you where to look but not what to see because what you see tells me what you value, what’s important to you

Our society is mostly utilitarian, “logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few” Spock played by Leonard Nimoy

In philosophy, there’s a thought experiment

There are 6 people tied on train tracks, one is 5 are tied to the same train tracks and one is tied on a separate one, the train is coming in 2 minutes

You have a lever in front of you, if you pull it, it will change the tracks and the train will kill only one person, but if you do not pull it, it will kill five people, what do you do?

if you are partial to the argument that if you do nothing then you’re not at fault for the 5 lives that are lost then consider the fact that even the act of choosing to do nothing is still a choice thus still making you responsible for the loss of 5 lives

if you think losing 1 life would be better than losing 5 then consider if you would feel the same way if the one life was your mother/father/sister/brother/girlfriend etc.

This is when you realize that not all lives are weighed the same, the life of the president of the country is worth more than the lives of 50 protestors

Pay attention to how most decisions are made around you, would you be okay not having lunch for a day if the family got to have bread for that same lunch period?!

Who is more important, them or you?

Be honest with yourself and a lot of the decisions you make will begin to make sense, like why you would rather not pay back the money you loaned but lose your mind when money is owed to you and not repaid on time

No one is evil, we are all selfish to some degree

Some people are just reliving the same traumas over and over again, some are just trying

to protect themselves, some are just tired or afraid, some just don’t know better

this is how they’ve come to live the life they live, what’s your reason?

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Few Words From The Wise

Never put yourself first, show respect. There is always someone better, to yield is not to lose

The Grandmaster

When we are wounded, afraid, and defiant is when it takes only a single act of kindness to break you open, like a pent up dam breaking open from a single crack

We had the recipes but we did not have the ingredients

Donnel Rawlings

in every 100 or so people who start competing for something, the 2-3 who end up competing for the goal, in the end, don’t end up there just because they won’t allow themselves to be beaten, they end up there because more than anything, they want to be the best

Accept three fundamental laws, if something is going to change it is up to you to change it, if you do not, accept this as the new and permanent reality, but if someone else changes it, you don’t get a say in how they change your life


When someone is criticizing you, maybe 90% of what they are saying is utter shit and only 10% is true, ask yourself, do you benefit more from focusing on how most of what they said is shit or the little that they said that is true?

It is service is the true measurement of success

George W. Carter

when was the last time you let your senses roam free? Close your eyes, focused on the scents, the sounds, the feeling, the tastes in your mouth?

The one who points the finger is the guilty one

African Proverb

people’s helps is capricious, one moment it’s there, the next it’s not, so always accept it with a pinch of salt: knowing that even if it were to disappear tomorrow, you would still reach your goal

what you move towards, you value

Jordan Peterson

All the consistent support you get in your life has made you blind to the fact that if all of it were to disappear, you would be homeless, hungry, and at rock-bottom inside of a month, a week for some of us

you must be clear and objective in becoming aware and assessing your current situation then you must be blunt and strategic in knowing/finding out what it will take to reach your goal: financially, emotionally, physically, mentally, and socially

There will always be two types of people around you, in every situation, in every step: Observers and participants, and no one person is immune to switching back and forth between them

in your endeavor, it is often not the external obstacles that you face and overcome to reach your goals that will ultimately halt your progress just before the finish line and drag you back to square one, it is the deeply-seeded emotional issues, the undealt-with emotional scars and psychological traumas that will likely take it all from you, that will cause you to lose the fight just when you’ve won it

Beware Unearned Wisdom

Carl Jung

Here’s why you learn to do something, it is not simply so you can say you did it, it is so you could do it again if you wanted/had to, “better well done then well said” Jim Kwik

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His Thoughts (Part 1)

It would start in the foyer of her building that first kiss away from prying eyes. Weeks worth of need and anticipation, our phones hot in our hands at every stolen opportunity.

Deep, excited, indulgent kissing, the kind of thing you break away from and just look at each other in shock and joy.

Then id literally chases her up the 3 flights of stairs to her apartment, sometimes I’d catch her, pull her into my arms, more brazen now, more hungry.

Groping her luxuriantly before letting her go or having her slip out of my clutches, laughing at me and moving, knowing I was letting her get a little ahead of me so I could take in the sight of her legs, her ass, letting her skirt ride to tease me.

I’d let her reach the front door – I’d get my hands on her from behind, if we were alone, as she reached for her keys, sliding my hands down over her dress between her legs. The other to her breasts. growling at the neck to hurry the fuck up.

We’d spill into her place and throw the door shut behind us. Now finally, really alone she would turn to face me, smiling at each other, God so hot for each other.

the way she wanted it was to never know what to expect, for me to take what I wanted, to let go utterly, to physically, gently, powerfully make her. those few moments would pass between us. she seeking what was to follow in my eyes.

my smile knowing and wolfish

“come here”

she’d step up to me, taking our time to enjoy the excitement, the anticipation. She’d often wear those shirts that are also somehow a dress, shapeless on anyone else and short enough to draw eyes without trying to.

God! the way we’d kiss

my hand sliding up to her breasts. She’d gasp when I tore her shirt open, the sound of the buttons racing off to their new hiding spots in her room.

She told me once that she’d find them weeks later and have to fuck her boyfriend or make herself cum immediately.

I’d yank her dress apart, both of us breathing hard as let her see me look at her disheveled and bared. her smile wicked as she could see the effect her lingerie had on me.

this girl had my number, knew my tastes almost as well as I knew her measurements. Our mutual love for and investment in lingerie together was, shall we say, significant

god, she had the body for it too, the benefits of youth. small sensitive breasts, a pert B cup, and a large luscious ass that she worked so hard to diminish until I swore id hurt myself if it got any smaller

she’d surprise me or she’d be wearing something id sent her. she worked in a male-dominated kitchen and I loved having non-descript packages delivered to her workplace.

either sitting there all day as her excitement and urge to open them built or if she had time she would change into them beneath her whites. warm and soft against her skin all day.

in the afternoon in question, she was wearing a gorgeous black balconette bra id send her a few weeks back, the sheer scalloped lace edge dipping down just beneath her nipples, thrusting them up towards me arrogantly, her smile laughing, acknowledging the sight of her and its power over me.

the way it floored me

that moment! the way it would make the lust in my rise, knowing what she needed, what was expected of these encounters, and that she had momentarily disarmed me

Recognizing this momentary shift in power she would take the initiative, showing me her own unashamed need. reaching out wantingly as she sought out and held my eyes, her hand strong and brazen getting a good hard searching grip on my cock, right through my jeans, moving in close as I groaned involuntarily.

her voice husky and quiet all confidence and challenge. Breaking me from the timeless moment of enjoying the sight of her.


the things that passed between our eyes. The particular smile. I’d kiss that mouth as hard as I could to frustrate her and her hand would work at my belt, the buttons of my jeans. I wouldn’t help her, sliding my hands into her hair, Kissing her to make sure I had all of her attention.

crushing our lips between us, throwing our mouths wide, gasping for breath, she’d bite my lip if I frustrated the work of her hands. laughing at me with her teeth still sinking into the soft flesh of my lip.

that dull pain was the final straw, sometimes she’d just slap me out of the blue.

a compact quick movement, she’d mean it and id never sees it coming.

Whatever it took to flip the switch in me,

She wouldn’t stop till she got what she wanted. We both knew it.

goddamit Thuli, that fucking hurt. I’d fucking growl at her as id snatch her wrist up in my hand and isolate it up over her head against the wall. up as high as I could till her shoulder lifted.

id slide my free hand up over her pert lace-clad breasts my touch rough and indulgent – crushing the soft flesh beneath warm lace in my hand. sliding upwards my fingertips reaching her deliciously exposed and hard nipples.

To Be Continued…

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Strange Truths, Normal Fiction

The simplest answer is usually the correct one

Occam’s Razor

The strangest truths sound like lunacy, like someone telling you that the key to happiness is giving up your possessions in service to something higher than you

Like being told that cancer, impotence, blindness, diabetes, infertility, neurodegenerative diseases, Aids, STD’s, and essentially all kinds of diseases can be cured by fasting, then eating nothing but fruits, vegetables, and herbs

Like finding out that perhaps your mother didn’t want you, she thought about what her life would’ve been if she never had you and what if she aborted or gave you up for adoption

That may be the reason why you’re alive today and were raised under her care was that she averse to the guilt, trauma, and pain of giving a baby up for adoption or abortion and not the love she proclaims

Like maybe the truth of who you are lies in the minds of your enemies, strangers, and superiors, not your friends, family, and subordinates

Notice how all these statements might make you feel a little uncomfortable?!


How you mindlessly read them, disregard or considered them as a very unlikely reality?!

In one philosophical perspective, you learn that terms and titles were meant as identifiers, to give you an idea of what something is or is meant to be

But with time they began to cloud what things were, people started looking towards the title to tell them what something was instead of looking at that thing and deciding for themselves what it was and what it meant

Think for a moment, if someone, whose opinion you hold in high regard, tells you that a certain person raped someone

your feelings toward that person are likely to change, and without realizing it you start treating them as if you’ve seen him rape like you have irrefutable proof

This is partly because for much of human history we have relied upon the opinion of others to navigate through life

If one monkey said to another monkey “don’t fuck with them red berries” the other monkeys would not try those berries out for themselves, because it is better to miss out on something amazing than to catch something terrible

Interestingly enough, this power has been leveraged into mass media and through that, many of us no longer know how to think, assess or decide for ourselves, especially because kids, wife, family, and the 9-5 take nearly every ounce of life from you

If something is not online with amazing reviews then it does not exist, and unless something is endorsed by a celebrity, an intelligent-looking person with a white lab coat, or a suit, we just don’t trust it

disregarding that no matter how intelligent a person becomes, they are still human, persuaded by their career possibly being destroyed or getting wealthy just for saying something is good for you even though they have no idea how much good or harm it can do

Perspective V. Opinion

You meet a guy/girl, you talk to them, you find out that you guys share mountains of interests, you kiss, their lips are soft, you touch, they’re gentle, caring, sensitive, you stop it there, they agree that it’s best to take it slow

After being with them for a few more times over 6 months, you go to your friends and family, tell them everything you find so amazing about him/her

They ask you if he/she has a good job/career. You tell them “no, he’s/she’s following a non-paying passion but is taking care of his/her expenses

They ask if he/she has kids. You say “yes, two/three of them from 2 different women

They continue to ask questions, continuously getting unsatisfactory answers

You finally tell them “she/he is a polygamist/polyandrist

And that’s the final nail, they tell you to get the fuck out of that relationship, it’s not going to work, it’s an abusive relationship waiting to happen, etc.

Do you leave what for 6 months has been an amazing relationship based on their opinion or do you stay?

What if you had been with that person for 6 years and they still don’t approve, do you quit then?!

if you found out that your life was never going to be how you thought it would be, would you be willing to live it for how it could be?

Put in other words, if you found out that putting your feet in a flowing river gave you orgasms and laying under a tree made you feel like how chocolate chip ice cream made you feel, would you be willing to accept that that is your truth, your reality, and your life?

What if… you found out that steak, ice cream, burgers were making your pussy drier than a prehistory river bed or your dick softer than a newborn chick?!

And that eating that fruit, that salad, drinking that water could make you fuck like superman or look like an Egyptian empress, with the hips, flowing hair, and glowing skin?!

Would these realizations be enough to change how you live your life? Even if it meant you’d be teased, ridiculed, and isolated?

Some of your issues are not urgent but they are important

most of the time, it is not until crippling disease or life-threatening diagnosis knocks that we pay attention to our health, it is not until there is death that we find our relationships at the top of our priority list

Most of what you seek is not on mars or a million dollars

It is not in a supermodel or a mansion

Your pleasures are easily triggered, especially if you’re not constantly trying to trigger them to death, you’ve just accepted the belief that if they are triggered by simple and cheap things, then you are simple and cheap

What is your truth?

When was the last time you switched off the phone, kept away from everyone else (family, friends, and lover included) no media (TV, internet, and radio off), and let your thoughts flow?

Letting your feelings speak and tell you what they want, what they feel, what your thoughts flow towards, without judgment, adjustment, or guidance

Who are you when there’s no one else to tell you who you are?

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Be A Bum The Right Way

It is often those who choose to pass on philosophies, principles, and ways of things through stories, music, poetry, dance, and visuals that truly nourish the minds and souls of the coming generations

Those parents, guardians, teachers, masters, philosophers, inventors, explorers, experimenters, and adventurers that feed our deep desire to dive into chaos and find the order, then walk into order and turn it into chaos

All to find the harmony, not the balance, but that chords that create a sensation in your heart, freezing your mind, pausing your plans, and commanding your attention, that perfect moment

Inheriting possessions, values, beliefs, and belonging gives structure, it makes us feel safe like we belong, it calms our fears and eases our nights, it keeps the animal in us from focusing solely on survival

But it also traps us, for in bonding with those structures, beliefs, and possessions you inherently get into bondage, for when a mind is young and afraid, it finds it hard to own things and not be owned by those very same things

Yet when you are taught how to think instead of what to think, you are given water instead of ice, when you are told myths that you may interpret what you desire from them you learn how to look within yourself what you seek and not look outward

solids: possessions, beliefs give a false sense of reality like things can only be one way, and that way is the truth, and the term “truth” means that that thing is accurate, to the exclusion of everything else, but…

fluids: philosophies, stories, music, poetry, now these things feed who we are within, for they only give a taste, and urge us to chase, to seek, to explore, to search and discover

To do what we naturally did as kids, it is important and very necessary to know and understand what you want and why you want it, but how you’ll get it?! Well that’s for the pass to teach you, and for no one else to tell you how for it is your journey and what you will discover in that journey is for you

so to the musicians, seekers, philosophers, storytellers, bullshitters, comedians, poets, dreamers, inventors, explorers, and thinkers, we may not always be able to understand you, and you may not always be able to put what you feel into words, and we may scold you for being “bums” but we envy you, need you and thank you for never buckling to the establishment, to the way things have always been done

Thank you for reminding us that how things are isn’t how they’ve always been or how they always will be

Those things always change, even if we aren’t the ones changing them and unless our minds remain open and flexible, in mind, in body, and in spirit, that change will always break us


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Her Thoughts

We planned your trip to Johannesburg for weeks…we had daily conversations, video calls and hundreds of pics exchanged and we couldn’t wait to see each other, touch each other and make love to each other again…

This time it was 6 weeks…6 weeks too long since I last felt your body on my body, You picked me up from my place. after an intense, passionate few slow kisses, I could already feel the wetness between my legs and the stiffness in your pants…

We decided to go past my friend Liz’s place to introduce her to who I told her was the love of my life. Not only did I have the amazing admiration and love for you, but the lust for you was indescribable…

We hung around chatting for a while…had an ice-cold G&T and then wanted to leave for the EcoThaba Hotel that you had booked for us… Without your knowledge though, I had discussed and arranged with Liz to ‘use’ her ‘playroom ‘…

It was a room upstairs with a milking bed and a sex swing, which I desperately wanted to try out with you… I took you by the hand and led you upstairs, we closed the door and starting kissing passionately

We couldn’t keep our hands off each other as we started undressing each other, I wanted you so badly, but I wanted to play and tease you on the milking bed first, you were now naked and I asked you to go lie on the milking bed

Positioning your cock exactly where the hole in the bed was, I went down underneath the milking bed and gently started stroking your cock, already hard from all the excitement of just being in each other’s presence

I loved sucking your cock, besides your cock inside of me, it’s where your cock belonged… my mouth… With my lips wrapped around your hard luscious cock, it didn’t take long for you to almost cum

I had to stop a few times as I didn’t want you to cum just yet. I asked you to turn around and got on top of you, rubbing oil all over your sexy athletic body, I was so aroused, my clit so swollen

I was rubbing your body with my body… my nipples so hard… I slid your rock hard cock inside of my dripping wet pussy, we were both almost breathless when I thrust your cock all the way into me

That felt sooo good… fuck…. I slowly started riding your cock… our bodies so oiled up… wet, sticky wild sex as I picked up the pace of riding your cock hard and viciously

We were both grinding and moaning getting wilder and more out of control, almost animalistic, there was no better feeling in the world than feeling your warm cum exploding deep inside of me

As you grabbed my hips tightly with every drop of your cum released in me But I wasn’t done yet

after giving you a moment to breathe, we moved over to the sex swing. You positioned me on it, my legs spread widely, my hands holding onto a steel pipe above my head. you wanted me to cum just as hard as you had

You went down between my legs and gently parted my very swollen pussy lips, your tongue flicking over my clit then licking my pussy vigorously, I was losing all inhibitions and wanted to fuck you so badly

but you kept on eating my pussy, entering 2 fingers inside of me, while still feeling the warmth of your tongue sliding over my clit, You wanted me to cum all over your face, you went faster, deeper, getting louder and louder

I could feel it building up, I just couldn’t resist anymore…and squirted all over your face, your shoulders…dripping down my legs, I was so numb, but oh my gosh, that was so amazing….!!!

You stood up and I grabbed you behind your neck kissing you, still wanting you, I’ve always wanted you, more and more each time

The best experiences were shared with you… My body aches for your touch…

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How To Love It & Hate It

In everything you do, always use your full spectrum of emotions: both love and hate

Always allow for mistakes and taking chances

Be so easy to work with that everyone wants to work with you


Quick question, where’s your ex’s? How is he or she doing? Are they happy?

Okay, let’s go back a little, you had a best friend when you were young, in primary school, high school, what happened to that person? Where are they now?

You remember thinking that you could never live without them that you would always be there for each other, that you will always be committed to one another, what happened to all of that?

Now how many “reasons” popped up the second you ask yourself any of the above questions?

It’s so hard to admit that you might have been wrong, that you might have made a mistake, that you might have been the cause of the separation, isn’t it?!

so much so that if you did, the knowledge causes such a deep discomfort that you feel the overwhelming urge to write that wrong, to change the past, to correct

Let’s look at this from another angle

Had you not had your heartbroken, would you still have had sympathy/empathy for those you hurt?!

Had you never gotten sick, would your body know how to handle all the bacteria, and viruses that infect your system daily, hourly?

Had you never went through a bad, and toxic relationship, would you even know how one looks like?

The cow that gets fattened before slaughter is convinced that the owners love it, right until the moment its spine is severed with an axe

The extremely harmful things are what spur you forward

Pain plus reflection equals progress

Ray Dalio

There are so many things on this earth that mean absolutely nothing to you because they do not and have never affected you directly, death, disease, poverty, betrayal, theft, etc.

To live a simple life is either to know everything and be at peace with the natural randomness of life


It is to be completely oblivious to just how chaotic this life can be, yet still walk around as if the entire social establishment crumbled you’d still be able to eat, protect, clothe and shelter yourself

And if we were completely honest with ourselves, most of us don’t even know how to make a fire without matches

So if society fell, how would you make a fire to cook, keep warm, how would you make weapons, how would you find clean water?

One male elk could provide you with meat for an entire year, if you could create a solar panel you’d never have to worry about electricity ever again

If you had a deep understanding of herbs, fruits and vegetables you could heal every single infection and disease under the sun

One book of architecture could teach you how to build a shelter with natural materials

You live your entire life with the faith that the established society will take care of you but in doing so, you’re being ignorant of the fact that outside of this society, you have no practical skills for the environment outside, the natural world, where you live

Know how to make weapons, can you even defend yourself in a street fight?

Take a moment

You spend your twenties and thirties taking your childhood out on people, not even realizing and while walking around thinking you’re the victim

Bill Burr

Most of us don’t have inner peace, we are not satisfied with ourselves, we are not innately happy or motivated to think, create, invent, and much of our childhood has buried all of these things out of us

where a child is happy just being, you’ve come to think that you need the big house, the cars, the fancy vacations, the extremely expensive clothes, furniture, the accolades that you don’t care about

Because those have become your narcotic, could you switch it all off and be with just yourself for 24 hours? 3 days?

No electricity, no entertainment, no distractions, no company, just food, clothes, shelter, and you

Could you learn to be happy with just yourself?

Because what no one ever tells you is that unless you are happy with yourself when you’re by yourself, you’ll never be happy regardless of what you acquire in this life, even if the world where to love and celebrate you daily

Like every drug that’s ever existed, every acquisition will give a quick high only to fade and have you chasing the next high, the next fix

Strange how much of what we are chasing is what we lost in childhood

And nearly none of it is external

Nature and Evolution

When I get out of here, I gotta go stretch out for 2 and half hours, I hate that shit, but it calluses my mind

David Goggins, World Record Holder for Most Pull-ups in 24 hours

People think I love the cold, I fucken hate that shit, but the cold is my teacher

Wim Hof, 6 world records holder

Every single person who has ever achieved anything great has a love/hate relationship with that thing

Like how the people who hate on you love hating on you and if it weren’t you, they would be hating on someone else

Like how the people who love you sometimes hate to love because there’s so much about you that they’d love to change, shit that drives them crazy but they stick with you because the shit they hate is part of the person they love

It is this duality that produces the greatest and most horrific outcomes, it is a great and capricious power

When seeking to learn, grow, become better, greater, and reach the pinnacle, it is not always the happy, positive, beautiful thoughts that will get you the goal

Few people will ever admit that having a chip on your shoulder, feeling entitled to that title, needing to not just be the best but to be the greatest of all time is one of the greatest motives you can have in your journey

Because it will push you way past pain, sacrifice, loss, failure, mistakes, it is the spark that will create obsession in you

Which is what you need to become that which you desire, even if it is to be the best parent your child could ever have

That darkness, that anger, that entitlement, will drive you to work, learn and hustle beyond what anyone would think is humanly possible

As long as you spend less than 20% of your time in that headspace because it is a consuming energy, a very heavy one

It is like fire, or a great dam, if it is not respected, controlled, and used with the utmost caution, it will turn into an inferno, a raging flood, and destroy everything around you, consuming you last

Learn to use your love as well as your hate, they exist within you for a reason

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How To Be A Loser

When you become complacent, comfortable, used to what you have, and begin to seek more, begin first by taking away what you have become used to, for 2-3 months

long past the point of missing it, long past the point of craving and regretting losing it, take it away and learn to be without it, so much so that you begin to know yourself without it and forget who you were with it

Electricity, technology, communication, company, takeaways, all of these things, then once you have become accustomed to being without it, reintroduce it

Then see what it means to you to have it?!

This is what happens to you when you take those around you for granted, then you lose them, unfortunately, sometimes you don’t get them back

Learn to lose

Some victories cost you far more than the loss ever would have

You are many things: father, mother, brother, employer, employee, son, advisor, idiot, friend, lover, enemy, etc.

All of these are victories, achievements, hats you aware of to show what you have accomplished in your life

All these things are a part of you but they are not you, you are potential, you are infinite potential, eliminate any of these things and it changes how you are but it does not change you

Unless you have made it who you are

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Strolling in the dark

It’s this time of the year again, I turned 18 a week ago and now it is Christmas eve we are still holding hands not speaking a word except for the hint of a smile from the corner of Zinhle’s mouth.

Every year my dad would invite his work colleges over for a Christmas Eve supper, I had to play barman and pour drinks for all his friends and their wives and when they left I had to clean up before going to bed.

But today his one friend’s wife brought her younger sister, her name is zintle two years older than me 5, 4 ft. with short blond hair and a beautiful body, wearing a tight white top and even tighter denim with white sneakers, she was extremely shy but when our eyes met I could see hers light up.

I took the opportunity to show her our farm so we started walking, chatting about school and university, what we wanted to become, I felt at ease talking to her so much so that I lost track of time and it started to get late

 I showed her the horses and the cattle, we must have been walking for about two hours, I showed her the feed store where we keep all the bales of hay and the bags of animal feed, we were tired so I moved one of the bales over so we could sit.

zintle leaned back on the hay, the last glimmer of sunlight shining through the cracks in the wall lighting her bright green eyes it was as if the world stood still, no sounds could be heard.

She leaned forward our lips met, her lips were so soft I felt my knees go weak but it froze me stiff I didn’t know what to do or say the only sound coming from my mouth sounded similar to a dry door hinge being moved

it was my first kiss and she knew it, she silenced me putting her finger on my lips as she leaned back again with her other hand she found the string holding the bale together, she pushed her hand in underneath the string twisting it slightly it almost looked like her hand was bound.

She pulled her finger from my lips putting it on her own I could see her tongue touching her finger’s tip.

She dragged her finger over her now wet lip down her chin over her long neck following her windpipe down to her perfect boobs a small b cup, I could just watch my heart racing so hard that I could hear it.

She ran her finger down over the ribbing of her tight top dragging the edge with, down between her boobs I could see her white bra showing just as the ribbing sprang back, she kept pulling it down between her tits nipples showing.

She broke the silence with a faint whisper “do you like it?”

I tried controlling my hands, with her free hand she grabbed my one hand pulling it to her denim button, I fondled it a bit and it shot loose, I pulled her zip down,

she had on a pair of light blue panties with a small pink heart right over this mound. I couldn’t help myself I had to kiss her stomach right on the panty line. I could feel her back arch pushing herself into me,

her free hand had found its way in under another string spraying herself open to me, I pushed my mouth hard up against her pussy kissing it through her panties, my hands playing with her soft tits, I wanted her so bad.

The animal in me took over; I pulled her denim down over her knees dragging her panty off with it, I pushed her legs open, her pussy was bare and smooth, I needed to taste her sweet juice, I started kissing her open legs licking and kissing as a man possessed.

I couldn’t help myself, I pulled up her top over her head but not off totally she didn’t move her hands at all still bound under the strings of the bale.

I started fingering, she wanted more and harder, I pushed in two fingers she was tight and wet, I had to fuck her now I just had to, I pulled down my denim the belt stood no chance,

Her white bra was the only problem I haven’t encountered that damn shitty clips I ended up pushing her bra up over her tits, beautiful small nipples standing up waiting to be sucked on and I did, she moaned harder, harder, my dick was throbbing my denim had no room for it to push.

she asked me if I had a condom but I didn’t have one not on me anyway. My thought was that she will yell stop right now but all she said was it ok get it in. Although she was dripping wet I still battled to get my dick in

it hurt a bit but the pain just made me push harder she let out a soft scream, I thrust again and again she followed each stroke with a soft scream, I was so turned on at that point that I prematurely came right inside her but I didn’t want to stop,

I lifted my body a bit higher almost using my dick as a lifting pole, I must have found her g-spot she just went mad she started taking control of our movement making it faster and faster.

With a hard scream she stopped and started giggling, this was my first time so I didn’t know why she giggled, but I could see the total satisfaction on her face, I pulled my dick out but It felt like a vacuum pulling it back

the back of my dick was covered in cum so was her pussy. We took a moment to gather ourselves; we dressed in silence and shared a hug holding one another as we walked home again back to the party back to sanity.

zintle had to hide the marks on her wrists from the string but luckily she brought a warm top.

We shared a few strolls after that night.

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You’re F@#ked, That’s Good

We, humans, are inherently flawed

And though for centuries, we have desired to be from being above the earth, from another dimension where everything is perfect and flawless, a huge part of us recognizes that for the most part, we are animals

Observe babies, children, they are the purest humans out here, they are selfish, creative, determined, simple in their desires and what satisfies them, destructive and obsessive

they are who we are, we just learn to hide our motives, suppress our creativity to not stand out, disguise our selfishness, and accept that to be satisfied by something simple means you are simple and thus, not as valuable as someone more complex

the forebrain is very creative, very logical, and very objective but it has little power and control over what you do, and pit against your emotions, your reptilian brain, and mammalian brain, it loses 9 times out of 10, unless it is trained

which most of our brains aren’t, more than learning the tools to deal with math, physics, social situations, technology, and finances, we needed tools to deal with ourselves, our fears, our anger, our sadness, pain, loneliness, greed, and desires

Because more than illiteracy, it is the inability to deal with who we are inside that causes much of the destruction in our lives

It is what makes us speak when we should listen, fight when we should yield, and defend when we should be accepting

We react to our internal interpretations of what the external world is presenting us with, which much of the time is the wrong interpretation

We all know that when someone corrects you, whether they do it in a mean spirit or a kind one if the information is accurate, it will aid in your growth and advancement

much of our daily lives conspire to give us no time to ourselves, from our friends, lovers, choices of entertainment, kids, jobs, and ambitions, all of which selfishly dueling for your time and attention, never allowing you a moment of rest or peace, giving you not even a second to reflect and consider

But the instinct is to defend against it because it is perceived as a threat and not as a gift, the fear, the inability to deal with it effectively is what leads to the overt reaction and thus turns an enemy out of an ally, turning a gift into the first attack of a disagreement

See what I am eluding to?

Because the fear in all of them: your family, friends, etc. is that if you took a moment to properly reflect and consider all that is before you, they may not get what they want from you

To notice the discrepancy between what you say you want and what makes you happy requires time, calm, uninterrupted time from everything

Retreats, meditation, hiking, running, all of these give you a taste but not a full meal of what you receive when you spend time with the person you’re always with: you

Much of your animalistic tendencies (attach link) appear as a reaction to your forebrain not being attended to or heard, just like cancer is an overgrowth of healthy cells, or infection is bacteria that is normally just sitting on your skin now seeping into an open, unattended wound

Have you ever taken a moment to ask yourself where most of your fears come from? If they’re even yours? Your beliefs?

As human beings, we are natural seekers, but we are taught beliefs and fears to tie us to our tribes, families, and communities

Because seeking naturally takes you into the wild, into the unknown, which is how we created this world we now live in, by allowing seekers to go seek, learn and return with what they have learned

Yes, some will get hurt, some will die, some will not return, but how is that different from the ones in our beliefs?  How many things do you sacrifice for your beliefs, to appease your fears?

Think for a moment, and don’t stop until you conclude your thoughts, your feelings, learn to just be with you

The God

Always strive for the ideal, and not in the abstract, not in some other lifetime or afterlife but in this life, with everything you do

But always make sure it is your idea, your version of perfect, not your priests, your “god’s” your children’s or even your spouses, it must be completely yours

Because you were born alone and no matter how many thousands of relationships you create or children you have, you will face that darkness of death alone

And when that time comes, the only thing that will flash before you is your life and how you feel about every moment you lived

Not what anyone else thought or felt about it, the regrets, the memories, the happy and sad moments, the losses and achievements, the mistakes and perfections

All will be based on what you think is good

You are selfish, but never forget to allow your selfishness to be intelligent, no matter how much money, influence, resources, titles, and accolades you acquire in this life, they can never watch your back as another person can

So always be kind to the people around you, not for them but you, because it is only if they feel that you have their best interests at heart that they will consider you a valuable person to keep around and thus protect you by watching your back

Unfortunately, this is not something you can successfully fake for long because lying, pretending, and faking accumulates and it is difficult to convince people otherwise once that becomes your reputation

Take it from a recovered liar

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Yearning Flavour (Part 2)

We started getting dressed half panicked, half feeling like school kids though we both knew just how fucked our lives were if someone caught us

A few seconds elevator door binged open the Op’s manager’s personal assistant walked out, we were barely half-dressed when she slammed into the offices, we stayed silent trying to not be heard

We heard doors open and close, then silence, after a few minutes we knew she was gone, Millicent (the woman I was with) walked out f my office doors still fixing herself up, and immediately locked eyes with the assistant

“uhmm Hi” I heard over the sound of footsteps

My heart sank as my mind started racing about what I was gonna say to my wife, to the boss, to my colleagues, I felt every drop of the blood drain from my face as my heart pounded so loud I could barely hear myself panic

After what felt like forever I bugged up the balls to walk out, she locked eyes with me as well, looked down with this “you’re so caught” sly smile

I greeted her without looking back at her and left

In the parking lot, I found Millicent waiting by my car, I already knew what this conversation was gonna be

As I was walking to my car she suddenly turned and walked to her car, got in, and drove away without so much as glancing at me

Now I knew my life was fucked, I went to the team building, Millicent wasn’t there, a colleague told me she had a family emergency

A day passed, then a week, then a month, and nothing

Not from Millicent or Grace, the Op’s manager’s assistant

I felt like I had murdered someone and was just waiting for the entire house of cards to come crumbling down and take my whole life with it

Then one Wednesday morning I got a sticky note attached to my desk written “you are urgently requested in the Op’s Manager’s Office”

My heart fell to my ankles, I went up, shakily putting one foot in front of the other, the Manager ran a tight shit and wasn’t above firing me and branding me unhirable by any company in the entire industry

But I deserved this, the fuck was I thinking doing this, with a colleague, at the office, during the day no less

I finally got up to the floor, walked out of the elevator, walked past the assistant’s desk with this boiling anger inside me and into an empty manager’s office

The assistant walked in behind me, closed the door, and locked it

“Is that how you treat the woman holding the secret that could change your whole life?”

I felt my stomach drop and my heart clench, I knew this was coming but to be honest, a really deep part of me wished it would just pass

I turned around, she walked dominantly towards the boss’s table

Very neatly moved the laptop and papers, then sat with her legs crossed

“please… come closer, I’d hate for anyone to hear us speaking so loud”

My heart throbbed as I walked just to the edge of her personal space

“Please kneel,” she said in a low, almost kind voice

Feeling slightly angry at how I had gotten myself into this situation

Biting the edge of her bottom lip she said “gently part my legs”

I crawled closer, with shaky hands I placed my palms on her knees and gently guided them open to such a deeply intoxicating scent that my lips parted slightly, betraying my composure

My eyes met baby blue silk panties so drenched the shape of her pussy lips traced themselves out

Before I realized it I had been staring for well over a minute before I looked up with a mixed look of shock and yearning and she could taste the hunger in me

As I could see face weakening, craving in her eyes, and this deep need to be licked, sucked, and eaten like chocolate cream velvet cake with bubblegum syrup in the center

“please” she moaned trying to calm her quickening breathe

Like a snake, my head smoothly slide between her legs as the tip of my tongue touched her throbbing clit over her panties, I felt such a violent inhale as her legs wrapped around my head with her hands pressing my tongue in

I felt my tongue dig into her pushing the silk in with it, I started eating her out like she was the last meal on earth, digging my fingers into her thighs as I partly struggled to breathe, needing to make her come so bad that she’d know who’s in control

I felt the panties shift to the center with each lip to its respective side, I grabbed the top of it and gently tugged, rubbing the clit as my tongue maneuvered past the fabric and into her

Panting, grinding, riding every inch of my face, I could feel her shiver in between tugged until she screamed silently turning the table into a wetland

She clinched, let out a few spasms, and finally relaxed her grip letting me out for air, my chin dripping like I was drinking from a fire hydrant

She stared at me, almost admiringly, forcing deep breathes to regain her composure

She got up off the table, grabbed a few paper towels, placed them on the table, enough to absorb the moisture, she fixed herself up, took her panties off tossed them to me “so you can hold on to those”

Then went towards the door “don’t you have work to do?” she said without turning around as she was heading out the door

My mind was racing with questions when my phone buzzed

“I’m sorry I’ve been so off, I just got scared, what I felt between us was like nothing I’ve ever felt before, I just don’t want to lose my family, I hope we’re still okay” the text read, and I knew who it was from

To be Continued…

Featured post

True Evil

In ancient times it was believed that something evil was good that had turned on itself out of not being fulfilled

Water that does not flow, grows algae, fungi and eventually poisons the person who drinks it while becoming so deep that it hides predators

Unrequited love turns into obsession, hate, and possession

An unsatisfied hunger turns into obesity, diabetes, and cardiac issues

Notice the pattern?!

Throughout history, mythology, and legend, the story carries that evil came from good

An evil that grows the more it is unattended to, cared for, or acknowledged

We need to find the disease so we can cure it

Jin Sakai

A disease does not need to be cured, just cared for

A Monk

It is rare, but some of us can admit our evils when we’re mean instead of being honest when we’re vicious instead of defending ourselves when we don’t speak vulnerably because we don’t want to seem weak

When you lied because you just didn’t want to have that fight

Let he, without sin, throw the first stone

Jesus, Christian Bible

It’s so easy to attack, judge, and condemn when your faults are in the shadows, it is us with the darkest, and dirtiest secrets that hand out the harshest sentences

Because we don’t want our leniency to cast a light on us

Any evil is like a wound, you may go out to the world, live, gather, pro-create, hunt, and battle with it hidden

But does it not cause a limp, a stumble, a stutter, a skip?

Does it not plague your mind in your daily life and slip out in casual conversation?

Does it not get passed down to your children, your friends, relationships, either as overcompensation or as a direct result?

Do you not find yourself becoming uncontrollably, and irrationally irritable, and aggressive on certain matters when you hear certain trigger words, like rape, abuse, cancer, death?!

So much so that you’d send an innocent person to the mob, guillotine, or electric chair just for being associated with the crime?

All of this just because you have undealt with issues regarding the matter

Ask Yourself

-what you would do to a person if your baby girl accused them of rape?

Now ask yourself what you would do if someone accused your baby of raping?

Notice how none of your reactions had to do with any evidence being presented to whether either accusation was true or false?

Objectivity does not come naturally to us humans, nearly none of our ancestors fucked with objectivity or dealing with things as they were and not how we felt them they were

In fact, none of our senses represent the world in its entirety, so even based on the information we received to make what we call reality, we are fucked, short-strewed

But it is the one thing that has put us on top of the food chain, it is the one thing that has made us gods in the ability to alter the earth, genetics, and travel to outer space

The ability to look at something and seek to do nothing else but see it as it is and not how it seems

Food, medicine, atoms, photons, structure, obstacles, the list is endless

And except for a certain section of society

The rest of us seek to see evil as a separate entity from us

we don’t see our meat get killed, nor do we have to kill our murderers, our politicians don’t have to see firsthand what happens when they shut down a school, hospital, or police station because they don’t live in those communities, their kids don’t go to those schools and they don’t go to those hospitals

Similarly, if you’re lying to someone you neither care about nor are ever going to see again, you rightfully feel no guilt, no shame

When you betray someone who does not affect your life, it is no different from telling an employee shit just to vent your frustration because they didn’t give you a stick with your cappuccino to stir with

it’s easy to do that because you don’t have to deal with the 40 other customers they have to deal with the rest of that day, their spouse who now has to hear about how terrible their day was for 3 hours or the kids who (if they are lucky) get ignored by mommy/daddy because he/she had a bad day or getting screamed at and emotionally scared

All because you had a bad day and rather than taking few minutes to breathe, relax, process and calm down, decided to vent on an unsuspecting employee

you’re hurt, you’re offended, you’re wronged, these feelings are good because they mean that you are still human and can feel pain when one of the members of your tribe does you wrong

But not expressing those hurts to the person who caused them and in a way that imparts understanding and prevents the matter from happening is what creates the evil

Give it a minute and think

How many broken homes have you caused because you just had to tell an employee shit, because you felt you had to be treated like a god for bringing money that you worked for to their establishment?!

This is our evil: our unspoken pain, unlived dreams, unheard fears and worries, our unrequited emotions, they turn an otherwise kind, beautiful, and caring person into a vindictive and truly evil person

Find your outlet, meditation, yoga, tai chi, running, writing, playing an instrument, whatever it may be, always make sure it is close and ready to relieve you of these emotions

This is how we remain human, at least the kind and good part of being a human

Express yourself, it is not yet a crime, just make sure you do not destroy another’s life in the process

Arigatou Gozaimasu

Featured post

Yearning Flavour (Part 1)

Okay so this happened at work I’ll be super careful to keep identities private but I’m really dying to tell this story

A while back a co-worker started enjoying my attention, she’s a little married so we tried to maintain some diplomacy and “social distancing so that HR wouldn’t start breathing down our neck

We’d regularly end up having long chats which would sometimes get flirty, which would slip out in the heat of the conversation.

Every time we are alone I could see her eyes wander down to my bulge, because of my size when it’s swelling up it’s hard not to notice. Every time she looked down at it, I gave her a smile.

Nothing happened for months as this carried on but the sexual tension just built up. We both in happy marriages and satisfied with what we got but the canal Mind of wanting to enjoy something forbidden looked set to engulf us.

Dangerously so, the conversations moved to Whatsapp as we chat during the workday at work, then delete and block each other when we leave for home. Pretty soon It started getting bold as she sent me pictures of her underwear every day under her desk.

We exchange stories of how we fucked our spouses thinking of each other. One day feeling very bold I told her to make sure her husband fucks and cums in her before she comes to work, she seemed confused why but did it anyway

She loved taking orders from her “daddy”. When she came into work I asked her to come to my office, knowing that there was team build arranged that day and the building was empty, we had ticked to use our own transport to get there as we needed to finish off some work.

As soon as she got in, wearing a dress as I had asked her to, I bend her over my desk, slide her panties down and could see the cum on them, and start eating her out with no abandon.

Eating her pussy and asshole together, planting my face between her cheeks till she came on my tongue. The taste of her juices and her husband’s come so intoxicatingly, then I give her a deep kiss with the mixture of saliva, cum, and pussy juices all on my beard

She had the look a person has when they are just dumbfounded and drawn to the randomness  of a situation and I was just letting loose

I have been married for 13 years and for some reason I just don’t get that chance to let loose be crazy, random, and wild with my wife, now this side had found a path to flow into and she knew she was in for a trip

She put her panties on, and I nodded my head to indicate that she could leave, she breathed a sigh of slight relief as she put her panties on with a look of slight confusion not knowing if she was supposed to say anything or just leave

Which turned me on so much that the second she grabbed the door handle I pulled her into another kiss, then turned her around a bent her over the table lifting up her dress and sliding her panties to the side

My dick slid into her so smoothly that I felt my dick pulse in orgasm, she jerked and squirted all over the floor digging her nails into the table

Realizing that I hadn’t come, I began madly thrusting, I felt outside my body, chaotic, slightly unhinged as I fucked her as hard and as deep as the deepest parts of me could dig, after every few thrusts she would tense tightly then scream as she squirted all over the carpet

Her juices feeling like ice cream, feathers, and ecstasy at the tip of my dick, I pulled her up while I was still inside her as she leaned her head over my shoulder moaning, I torn her dress grabbing for her boobs

My mind flashed the security guards walking in or the cleaners or even a colleague picking something up last minute but none of those thoughts seemed to have any effect on this insatiable hunger I was feeling

This deep itch that could only be scratched by the depths of her pussy, by each orgasm, each convulsion, by the juices that had by now drenched her panties and the pants that were hanging around my ankles

She pulled out, turned around, and looked at me like she hadn’t seen me before, like she didn’t know what she was looking at, panting like a wet dog or cheat after a long chase

I stopped, half wondering if I had done something wrong, she grabbed my shirt, a few buttons popped off, with the other hand grabbed my raging hardon, played with it around her click and the entrance of her pussy

I felt my knees weaken each time the tip touched her clit, somehow the tables had turned and now she had me weak, she wrapped her legs around my waist and with a single intense push, she pulled in so deep that I felt her jerk for what felt like the millionth time

The table immediately got soaked, papers, laptop, phones, everything got wet, I don’t think any of it registered on her

I held her so tight that I knew I was going to leave marks while I felt her nails digging into my back and dragging like a cat on new carpet, but our sense of reason and control had long left

And we were going to fuck until one of us tapped out, we got caught or we just couldn’t move anymore

It felt like we both had been starving for so long like we both had something to prove and such a deep thirst to quench that our mad fuck was inevitable

I pulled so hard, so deep, with such long, fast strokes that my breathing got shallow, my heart started beating in my face and my legs shaking, it felt like I was flying through the galaxy and the intensity of the speed would kill me but I wasn’t going to stop

I heard her sync with my breathing and as I came she let out such a loud scream that I knew someone had heard us

We both collapsed on the table, knowing fully well that we weren’t just late for the team building, but we definitely got heard by someone

“I think someone’s coming up the elevator,” she said as we laid exhausted in a pool of sweat, cum and saliva

To Be Continued…

Featured post

Legitimized by Thy Enemy

You know, you never know how much you know until you confront reality, and then you know how much you don’t know. And I love it

Dr. Sebi

Your friends, allies, and acquaintances train you, they raise you, but they cannot give you the legitimacy you need to be taken seriously and respected by strangers and broader society

They inherently spend so much time with you and give so much of themselves to you that their opinion on how good you are cannot be trusted, it is because of all this time, effort and resources spent on you that they can’t help but be bias

This is because we instinctively value that which we give time, attention, and effort towards

So when someone truly wants to know who you are, they don’t ask your mom, friends, or colleagues (the ones that like you)

they ask your opponents, your enemies because we are not judged by how we treat those we like and feel are valuable to us, we are judged by how we treat those we dislike, hate, and feel can do us no good

the world is a beautiful place but it can also be very vicious, so our empathy, mercy, and a group of people we show love and care for becomes increasingly smaller and smaller, until only our kids and no one is left in it

Our empathy and care for another is the one indiscriminate casualty of growing up

because if you catalog all the people that have hurt you and used their traits as markers to indicate when to not trust, care for or be merciful to someone, eventually you end up with a catalog that lists every single person on this earth

it doesn’t matter how right you are when you’re a dick because everyone wants you to be wrong

Dr. Taub, House M.D.

It matters not how great you are at what you do, or how above the cut you are, being the best does not make you a legend

Losing everything and going through the fire being able to come out the other side with your happiness, humanity, and love for others… that is what makes you a legend, that is what puts you in a league of your own, then come back to become greater than you were before

Because only after you go through that and remain human, do you understand how and why everything you do is not just for you or about you, but for the person to the left of you, to the right of you, behind you, and in front of you

Regardless of blood relation, race, religion, sex, nationality, or whatever other lines we divide ourselves by

and this is what truly great enemies get drawn in by after you’ve proven your skill is better than there’s, it is your humanity, integrity, honesty, and openness that dictates whether they champion your goals or support the next enemy to take you down

This is why to win over your opponents without a single drop of blood spilled is the greatest victor you can ever gain, and if you do go into battle, the goal is still to come to an understanding, not to obliterate them

Your True Desires

You seek peace, purpose, health, time, freedom, amazing connections, and self-worth

You’re essentially born with these things, all you have to do is nourish them, maintain them and grow them

Based on our societal structure, you attend school for about 20 years from age 7, then you work for about 40-50 years, whether you’re an employee or entrepreneur, slowly giving these things up one by one, bit by bit

Because of the social pressures that tell you that they are worthless and their only a burden until you use them to trade for money

Money that you then use to get back time, freedom, self-worth, etc.

See the matrix?! The prison for your mind?

You can never get enough of what you don’t need, because what you don’t need won’t satisfy you.

Dallin H. Oaks

You can own 15 million houses around the world but you can only sleep in one room, on a single bed a night

You can own the entire food industry but your belly can still only carry at most, two fists worth of food per sitting, which you’ll only have 4-5 of in a day

You can have a thousand spouses, but you only have 24 hours in a day and so much sexual, emotional, and mental energy to share

Just like arrogance is insecurity hiding in boast, greed is fear of lack

Most toxic feelings are unacknowledged and undealt with feelings

We are emotional creatures, logic and sense play but a very tiny part of our lives, we know logically that even if you owned an island, you’d only be in a small piece of it for most of the time

That even if you had 700 cars, you’d only end up driving about 7 or 8 of them most of the time

the same goes for money, you take coffee, drugs, you don’t sleep, don’t eat right, sometimes not at all, you miss birthdays, ruin relationships for about 8-10 years (if you’re lucky)

Then you get sick, and because the medical profession makes its money from treating you, they will take hundreds of thousands to do test after test, giving you diagnosis after diagnosis, treatment after treatment until you’re broke

And because your relationships will essentially be non-existent at this point, people will only be talking to you and engaging with you not because you have an amazing personality, but because you have money they can solve their problems with

The higher up in class you go, the more ruthless people become, you’ll avoid the broke people and start spending time with people more like you, wealthy people,

But even then you won’t be able to fully relax and let go because as any wealthy person knows, there is no end to this game, you go from one deal to the next, one million to the next

At this stage, you only feel alive when you’re acquiring, and it’s never anything you need so it can never fill the hole, so you’ll just keep acquiring until it finally destroys everything you have and/or kills you

You’re much simpler than you’d like to believe, the things that make you happy are much cheaper than you’re led to believe and your health does not cost millions if you but know how to nourish the flash that keeps you on this earth

And unfortunately, there is too much financial incentive in law, medicine, religion, wealth, health, relationships, arts, and crafts for most of the world to be honest with you

for the salesperson to say to you “no, you don’t need that dress or that makeup, you look beautiful in a plain T-shirt, and if you keep working out and eating healthy, you’ll never need to buy another designer dress, bag, or shoe ever again”

But they likely won’t, because they’d rather lose their integrity selling you what they know you don’t need, and you’re trying to fill the hole that your self-worth left when you gave it up by buying that dress

You don’t have to be a martyr, you don’t have to quit Netflix, your Big Mac, or that Lexus you want, but learn to understand that those are only wants

Never allow yourself to feel like you need any of it to be happy

Good Relationships

These things are worth more than any penny put in front of you

Detachment is not that you own nothing, detachment is that nothing owns you”

The Bhagavadgita

When the last tree has been cut down, the last fish caught, the last river poisoned, only then will we realize that one cannot eat money

Cree Indian Prophecy

Featured post

Submitting to Cravings

A few years ago I got called by a gentleman to come and see him regarding some business, not uncommon as I was selling printing services into various companies and was heading up a small sales team.

The appointment was in Sandton and I took a young lady rep with me – these guys always liked some eye candy, and I was middle age, still in shape, but over 35 and thought she at 28 and a good looker May just help us get the business – it was a very good client if we could secure it, so I thought it was worth the extra effort.

At the appointment in his very plush office overlooking Sandton, he sat us down and couldn’t take his eyes off me – he was very charming, good looking, and very well-groomed, and even there he subtly seduced me with his attention and power

And it did my ego wonders, I had this young stunning young girl with me, and he was all about me – left there very flustered and honestly a little wet.

We had just arrived back in the office and I was still with my young rep, when he called and said the next visit I must come alone, he said he saw a naughtiness in my eyes, and he would tell me when and told me that I must just wear a long coat and lingerie, nothing else – then said goodbye.

I must have blushed because the young rep asked what had happened- I blurted out what a pig our client turned out to be – told her the story and it became a laughing thing around the office for the day. Although it left me very curious and my ego very flattered.

That night I told my husband and we had some wild sex, I even put on a coat with sexy underwear and stockings and a garter. I had been a “hotwife” and our relationship did have a cuckold element several times before – but I had never been so openly propositioned and it made us very horny.

After the sex, neither my hubby nor I said a word about it for a few days. And then on Thursday, the client texted me “my office tomorrow at 3 pm” I later learned his staff finished work at 2.30 on Fridays.

After receiving the message at the office I went to the ladies toilet, took my brush with ( it had a nice thick long handle), and fucked myself with it, the text really excited me, too much actually

But in the toilet, I was fantasizing about him and was now really turned on by the possibility of maybe going to his meeting. On the way home Thursday evening, I was deciding whether to tell hubby or just go without telling him – I was worried he would not want me too and I really wanted to.

That night during sex I told him – and I also played down my excitement a bit, surprisingly he said why not, you know what it’s going to lead to and it’s safe and secure and he is decent. I didn’t tell him how hot the client actually was.

Friday I left the office early, went home and did my chores, sorted out the maid, kids, etc. Put on my sexiest white lace panties and bra, suspenders and stockings- then put on a pair of pants and a loose top to cover up the lingerie, took my blue coat, and headed out.

Just before his office I stopped at a service station and went onto the ladies and stripped off the pants and top and while I was there I was sooo fucking horny in anticipation I fingered myself to a shuddering climax in the ladies.

I was now properly wet and swollen – I felt extremely naughty leaving there in a long coat and lingerie and very horny.

Arrived at his office around 2.50, the place was very quiet, security chap let me in and I parked in front of the front door and as I approached the door my client opened the door, greeted me very formally

and I followed him to his office where he opened a door onto a very small smart bar area, he showed me the couch and asked what I wanted to drink — I said red wine, he opened a bottle and poured two glasses and came and sat next to me,

We sipped our wine and hardly spoke, he then said to me I must come to stand in front of him, I did and standing there I felt quite stupid, but I was so wet, he then said he likes girls that listened to his instructions

and then told me to undo the buttons and the little belt and open the coat so he could see more, I somehow just listened and did as I was told, he then stood up and moved his hands under the coat and up around my bum and up to my back and just lifted the coat off me

he sat back on the couch and studied me standing in front of him with just very skimpy white lacy lingerie on and stockings.

He then told me to get on my knees and he undid his pants and pulled out his above-average very hard cock, he put his hands around my head and slowly pushes me down onto sucking him

he controlled my head movements with his hands and started off slowly and then a little deeper and harder, he then told me to go to his boardroom table back in the office and bend over it

I did again as I was told, he came up behind me and started feeling my bum and tits and then worked his other hand between my legs

and started fingering me first with one finger, and then two-three and gentle worked me open nice and wide and wet, he stood up and moved closer and entered me from behind

At first slow deep thrusts and then faster and harder. I think I had already cum three or four times and then he stopped and lead me back to the couch

I felt like his whore, and like his sex object, he just knew his power and stature would allow him to do as he pleased with me – on the couch he fucked and ate me in many different positions

and eventually, cum in me while fucking me laying on my back with legs right up against him in an almost standing position- almost fucking me from above as hard and deep as he liked – I couldn’t believe how much he came in me

He was big with big balls and they must have been full because I would feel his cock pulsating and him coming in me, he would slow down slightly, and just when I thought he was done, he would spend up again

And again I would feel his cock tense and pump his cum in me – this carried on for about two / three minutes. After he was done he left the bar area and went to the toilet – I just got up and pulled my panties back on and put my coat on.

He came back said thank you, and that he had enjoyed the time together- about 2 hours. He walked me to the door and said security will open the gate, said goodbye and I left

I phoned home and told my hubby to make sure the kids were busy elsewhere when I got home because as we were chatting I was leaking my clients cum all over the inner back of my coat

I have had many sexual experiences, but that Friday I really felt like some guy’s whore – I actually enjoyed the feeling. ☺️

I never saw him again and we never got any of their business.

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How to say Goodbye

Save what we canbut know that everything passes away

Jin Sakai

One of the greatest lessons you learn once you become conscious, once you’ve come of age and have felt pain, is the lesson of appreciation

A gift you have when you are young but are not fully aware of because no loss feels permanent at that those ages

Once you become aware, you begin to appreciate music differently, there’s a melancholy that accompanies sitting and having fun with friends

Which gives each moment its depth, flavor, and scent

It is because of this impermanence that you begin to burn certain moments into your brain and never let them go

Because death comes for all, even if the form remains, just as the substance came, it shall depart so that it may come elsewhere

this is the nature of atoms, of life, or molecules, they move, no matter how solid and permanent they may seem, they are always moving, and eventually, they move apart, to become a part of something else

Energy can neither be Created nor DestroyedEnergy can only be transferred or changed from one form to another”

The First Law of Thermodynamics

So if the ingredients that made you and those you love are constantly moving, what makes you think that you or those around you will stay the same forever?

Look at your hand, take a deep breath and just observe it, the skin, the little hairs, the nail, the scratches and scars, the blemishes, the veins underneath

Once upon a time it did not exist and one day, it will no longer exist, it may be after your death, it may be while you still breathe, but it will be gone

but while it is here, it services you, it touches, brings things, takes them away, balances you, stops things, makes you aware of things, helps you express yourself, circulates blood, helps you cool down, picks you up off the ground, need I continue?!

So let’s say we could give you another hand, would it make that handless important or negate everything it’s done for you?

Nothing is owed to you, not one thing on this earth, not even that hand, and just as easily as it was given to you, it can just as easily be taken away

And when the time comes, breath, feel the pain, and let atoms move onto the next stage of their journey

Appreciate, that is the lesson of age, be thankful for all that creates, sustains, and protects your life


“Humans find it hard to manage their biochemistry without physical activity”

Sadguru, Impact Theory

What if I told you that it’s not money, cars, traveling or a mansion you’re actually chasing?

what if I told you that the thing you’re truly chasing is the very thing that big business uses to keep undercutting your efforts to reach these things you claim to desperately after

If you want to be wealthy, how come your bank account is at minus yet your fridge has McDonald’s takeaways?

If you want that car, why is Uber the one that’s getting wealthier off of your money?

Asking better questions and listening to the answers is usually what makes our life better, not just better solutions

Ice cream makes us happy, wine/whiskey/vodka makes us happy, vicariously living life through the activities we watch on YouTube, Instagram, Tiktok and Facebook is makes us happy

These companies keep getting your money, time, and energy because they have learned something that you’ve missed: you’re not after any of these things on your vision board, you’re after the feeling you think those things will give you

You’re after the neuro-chemistry, those feel-good chills you get from the amazing music, an orgasm, or tasty food

That’s what you’re chasing, and those feelings are monopolized by the music or the food or even the orgasm, the ecstasy from those things is the same, and it can be felt through many other methods

a huge reason why you keep picking Netflix to get that hit of dopamine instead of going for a run to get the same (if not better) is because one requires much less effort, is easier to access, and more popular

the thing about being a grown-up is that you’re now your own parent

Bill burr

So you take the easy way to get that hit, that feeling, expending less and less effort every time you go through the habit loop, every time they add an update, every time a friend or online stranger tells you how amazing it is

but after a while, like any drug, you start to notice how much more food you need to feel the same feeling, how many shows you need to go through, how many more times you need to scroll just to find an interesting video

Soon enough you notice that you don’t even feel normal without that scroll, that show, that snack

Funny how they go from being an extra to being a necessity

Comfort walks into your house a guest and ends up the host

M.D. Moabelo

You compromise one thing after another, like any addict would until you’re an amazing person by name only but not by substance

Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Brenda Fassie, you name your celebrity and watch how quickly substance leaves the door the moment they don’t find health, happiness, and growth from the things that require more effort than a click, scroll, or a call

forget celebrity, just look around you, look in the mirror, ask yourself just how much time you spend on these quick pleasures, now ask yourself what if you got the same amount of pleasure from activities that appreciate and accrue in pleasure?!

Because they do, you just won’t feel as amazing when you first do them but every activity on this earth, no matter how hard, painful, or strenuous it may be, at some point it peaks on the pleasure scale, if only you invest in it first

Featured post

Social Media Panty Request

Okay, this is a very strange story but please don’t judge me, I swear I have never done this before Lol

A man on one of my social media sites asked for my dirty panties. He said “I want to smell your pussy and ass through your panties. Make them as musty as possible, I want to smell traces of urine and I want to lick your discharge.”

I was freaked out by his message, no one has ever asked for something so intimate. I read the DM again and again and decided to ignore it but I couldn’t get it off my mind. It was so “out there” that it actually turned me on.

So, I bought a new pair of panties, a dirty pink g string was perfect.

I was going to wear them once and send them but after the first day they still smelt new-ish so I decided I’d wear them the next day as well. This time I watched videos that turned me on, I could feel my juices flowing, I was properly wet. I also didn’t wipe when I pee’d so at the end of the day it was proper musty but I needed to do one more thing. I rolled the panties up into a tampon shape and inserted them in my pussy on day three while I went on about the day.

It was exciting knowing that I was doing this naughty, dirty thing.

I put them in a plastic bag, in an envelope, and sent them via post.

He received them on Monday, since then, he’s sent me videos of himself wanking with my panties on his nose as well as them wrapped around his cock.

I’m extremely turned on by this, I didn’t know I was into cum tributes. I wonder if that’s a thing for you…?

Featured post

Notes from the Journey

The almost imperceptible pieces that connect one doer to another are far beyond what words can relay

think about what you love doing, let’s say shopping, objectively speaking it is you going from one store to the next, looking for what you think looks nice so that you can mix and match until you find an outfit or a set of outfits you can wear to certain occasions

That’s it

It is neither a need, nor a pressing accomplishment, and to the naked eye, it not only looks like a waste of money

It looks like an extreme addiction that wastes effort, time and causes more harm than good because more often than not, true shopaholics end up with far more items than they need, items that either get given away or fall into decay and must be discarded

But speak to a buyer, which is essentially a professional shopper, who gets paid to shop and add the latest trends into stores, the little details they look for, the art that goes into what they do

Why they buy it and with what predictions they buy it for

The same goes for sports, business, crafts, the list goes on

Now with this knowledge in hand, you probably have someone by your side, a significant other, a friend, a ride or die

You should have realized at some point that you cannot explain to them what the journey was like, what you saw, what you felt, what you did, what you experienced, “you cannot give them the ear that arrests the music” when it comes to this thing you love so much

so to bridge that gap of understanding you must experience these things together because the connection is not acquired from knowing the same things but from experiencing the same things

This is why you can talk all night, every night for 15 years with your spouse about what you love, what you hate, what you’ve experienced, and it can get completely overthrown by one conversion with someone who went through the same thing they went through, like an ex

Pain Turns

Ever heard the saying “too much of a good thing is bad” considered whether the opposite may also be true?!

Ever felt so much pain that it begins turning pleasurable, like how alcohol tastes horrible but after a while, you can’t wait to get home and have that beer or glass of wine?

Or how fighting with your love leads to that angry makeup sex that just fucks your whole world up, so much so that you sometimes secretly start fights just to have the makeup sex?

Here’s an example that may sound more familiar, when a person can’t wait to go on Annual Leave from work

Then two days after they go on leave, they pop in at the office just to “check” on y’all or when you saying you just wanna get home after work but the second you leave the office, all that flows through your mind and comes out your mind is work-related stuff

This is all because there’s a sense of undefined pleasure in familiarity, in the release, the feel-good hormones that kick in after you’ve reached a certain level of pain, this is the basis of runner’s high, the very same concept applies to so many other painful things

so if too much happiness can lead to sadness and anger, can too much sadness and unhappiness accidentally lead to happiness and excitement, like what happened to Viktor E. Frankl?

Golden Handcuffs

Here’s a scenario

You have found something you love, you think about it day and night, you do it even when it irritates those around you, even when no one is paying you for it, you finally have a passion, a purpose

then someone comes and offers you R15 000 to do what you’ve been doing for free, no strings attached, you just need to keep doing what you’ve been doing all along

A few months go by and they send their praises, compliments, gifts, and a few suggestions

You got accustomed to that R15 000, you even come to rely on it

Then a few more months go by and you do something they don’t like

They send a representative to express their disapproval, “suggest” that you ease up on certain topics, certain agendas, they indicate that it reflects badly on their brand and that they would like to continue their relationship with you

You take the discussion as is, disregard their “suggestions” and continue doing what you’ve been doing and they withdraw their R15 000

but they don’t stop there, they now indicate that in agreeing to take that R15 000 you had signed over control of what you’ve been doing to them and that now you are no longer allowed to do it since you refuse to do it as they want you to do it


You agree to their “suggestions” and now have to do your craft as they want you to do it, when they want you to do it and how they want you to do it

This is called the Golden Handcuffs

you are given something in exchange for signing over what you love, you get accustomed to that shininess of the gold and by the time you realize that you had completely compromised who you are, what you are, and what you love for that gold, you have not only fallen from grace but you are now unable to even do that which you love

It was done to the McDonalds brothers, Tony Braxton, Eduardo Saverin (facebook founding partner) Dave Chappelle, the list goes on

You can’t go this path alone, you must get into partnerships to advance but be careful to never sign over control of any kind, and always allow yourself an exit plan from that partnership

Never think you can have anything of perceived value and not have to protect it, the world is a jungle, full of many poisonous pretty plants, dangerous animals, and harsh elements, the journey is pleasant to watch but it is hard to live through

So always remain vigilant, and breathe, you’re not gonna get out of this alive anyway to enjoy it

Safe Travels

Featured post

Fun Run

Okay, this is a very strange story, but this is how I knew women got game, I still feel like a rabbit lured with a piece of lettuce but this is how it went

I usually jog in the mornings for anything between 3km and 10km depending on how I’m feeling and if I have enough time before I have to get to the office

But on this particular morning, I went on a morning jog with a lady from my complex who had been nagging me to join me on a run for about a 2years.

Honestly, I had been postponing and making excuses for two reasons, firstly, my jogs are like meditation, they’re very quiet and therapeutic to me

Secondly, she already looked drop-dead gorgeous in her work attire, I just didn’t think I could keep my composure seeing her in a sports bra and tight leggings, Jesus fuck, just the thought gets my heart racing

Finally, I plug up the courage to go running with her, I must say the conversation was great and I was enjoying the run even though it was cold.

3 kilos in as we come close to a wetland area with thick grass she suddenly stopped and said “I want to pee can you please come with me, I am not comfortable going in there alone.”

Shit, my thoughts start racing but I act cool and go with her, when she gets to the brushes,  she went down and started did her thing and I looked away

And she asked in Sesotho “osheba kwana, ke eng osa etsebeng?” (Translation: why are you looking away? is there something you are not familiar with?).

The blood drained from my face, she looked at me like a cat stalking its prey, and my deer in the headlights expression was not helping my position.

l looked towards her and she knew she had me in the palm of her hand, as she stood up I was now as trigonometry. I could not compose myself any longer and moved in for the kiss, she put her hand on my chest and said “eeeeasy, there’ll be plenty of time for that”.

She got dressed properly and we continued running, the thought of her pussy made to lose my appetite for running, I was now a puppy on a leash, and I suspect that was the intention, however, we did finish the run which was about 8 kilos.

When we got back to the complex, I looked at her with those hungry eyes a hyena gets when it sees a stray baby buffalo

She said “same time tomorrow?”

“Not if it’s going to end the same way” I pouted

“I waited 2 years, I’m sure you can handle a few days” she smirked walking into her apartment and closing the door behind her

The following morning I tried so hard to keep my composure and go on my solo run but the second I got close to her door, I somehow found myself knocking

She opened the door in a gown, asked me to come in quickly because I was letting the heat out

Half confused, half hopeful I walked in, she told me to sit down

I sat by the couch, she came from the kitchen with a large mug filled with hot chocolate, sat it in from of me, pulled a blanket, and curled up in my arms

My tummy turned into an acrobat from the circus

“Your heart’s racing, are you comfortable?” she asked

I nodded, not wanting to fuck up the mood

I felt the tip of her nails glide over my tights with her palm grazing my bulge

Her head slid from my shoulder to under the blanket

Needless to say, we never went for that jog


Trust, hitting these spots can be better than sex. Foreplay is like an appetizer to the main course. Sure, your medium-rare filet mignon will taste okay alone. But wouldn’t it be even better if you started off your taste buds with a bread basket, Caesar salad, and some prosciutto? That’s an absolute yes. And well, […]


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